The sofa that wasn't!

 Dear Marmite

There are few things worse that the disappointment that comes when something you have been looking forward to doesn't happen. As you know, I haven't owned a sofa since November 2019. I brought a futon back to the UK as I thought it would see me through a couple of months and double up as a bed. Well, that couple of months nearly ran to a couple of years - or that is how it has felt.

When I finally got round to buying a house, the first thing I went out and bought was a sofa. The wait time was around 12 weeks so I knew that I'd be in my new home for a short time before I got it. As it was one I really liked, I thought the wait was worth it. What I didn't expect from Marks and Sparks was a broken promise and interminable delays.

They told me both on sms and in an email that my sofa would arrive on the 19th July and that two days before I'd get an sms to tell me the two-hour window. This sms never arrived so on the Monday morning bright and early, I went round in circles trying to find a way to contact them. First of all this is nigh on impossible. Secondly, once you do get a number, you have to wait for over 30 minutes before a human being deems you worthy of being spoken to. This in itself drove me to a point of fury.

Once I got to speak to the delivery team I was transferred - another delay - to another human being in another department who told me my sofa hadn't got to the delivery depot. According to her, there are delays on everything. Is this the "pingdemic" or Brexit? Whatever the cause, customer services should be a bit more on the ball letting people know where there purchases are- urrrrgh...

Whatever it is, the result is me not having a sofa. I pointed out that I would have to pay £25 to change my delivery date within 3 days of the delivery. They didn't even tell me they weren't going to deliver. I won't hold my breath but I bet they won't pay me £25 for their incompetence.

The "pingdemic" / Brexit problems have spread havoc to more than my sofa. The supermarket shelves were short of all sorts - most notable being the tonic water and alcohol. As I mentioned before, this area is a high G&T consumption area. 

The NHS finally got round to telling me I have three prolapsed discs. The MRI was on the 22nd May. If I had been in Singapore, I would be recovering from a fully reconstructed spine by now. I have decided to go for a private consultation as I'll probably be walking around on my hands and knees before I get seen by anyone in the NHS or even get to hear about making an appointment. 

Despite my poorly back, I even managed to play a mini tournament yesterday and got to the final. So Marmite, I know you are a bit of an old crock yourself these days. Just keep one paw moving in front of the other and you'll keep going. From my side, I'll try very hard to maintain my sanity in the face of companies who forget they have customers who they need to keep them in business. I think this will be hard for me to do.

Love you!!

XXX

Rotten Tomatoes

Dear Marmite

Over here the weather is hotter than Singapore. Meanwhile Germany is experiencing horrendous floods and in America there are wildfires. What an odd world we live in! Even odder was the apocalyptic movie I sat down to watch with my Grandson, Dylan. He wanted to watch Greenland - a stupid title to start with as everybody heads there so it is no mystery that America will be destroyed by an asteroid shower along with 75% of the world. 

We both agreed that the characters did really stupid things and the story stretched out through really improbable events. For starters, how do asteroids know that for maximun affect they have to fall on urban places and freeways? None of the asteroids hit any of the main characters either - remarkable! By the end of the movie Dylan said he would give it three out of ten. I personally thought that was generous as it took up over 90 minutes of my life and apart from the joy of watching it with Dylan, I could see no point to it at all. 

Now I am alone again. Sammi has gone back to work and the boys are back in Scotland. The house is pretty quiet, the washing up is just one bowl full each day and I have no one to play tic tac toe and strategy games with for a while. I feel I am pretty busy though getting back to the usual cycle, swim, tennis routine. 

Tomorrow is a particularly exciting day as my sofa arrives. I bought it before the exchange of contracts on this house so I have waited for this day since early May. What is more, I brought a futon back from Singapore as a temporary bed / sofa and it has been my only sofa since February 2020. I really am excited. 

Things I am not excited about are the change of rules as we come out of lockdown tomorrow while the number of COVID cases is going up exponentially. I, for one, will remain cautious. I can foresee us being in the same state this time next year - perhaps with other countries putting us on the red list. 

I also think that living in a particularly small village makes the likelihood of me coming into contact with someone who has it more remote. I still haven't been down to London since arriving here last year. That makes the possibility of seeing you, Marms even more remote. 

Please remember that I am always thinking of you. 

Love you soooo much,

Hugs

XXX

The Anticlimactic Cake

 Dear Marmite

A lot has happened since I last wrote to you and, in fact I have been so busy I haven't had time to sit down and put finger to keyboard. I'll start with the family gathering for Richard's birthday last Monday. For COVID times it was quite a gathering - Danielle, Richard and Ezra-Mae, Sammi, Dylan, Reef and me but no dogs. We went to the Navigation Inn, a pub just one stop up the canal from where I now live. It is in a lovely setting and the menu is known to be good. Danielle asked me to buy a birthday cake with candles from Tesco and bring it along, which I duly did. 

Dylan wanted to make a cake at my place so he did this with Sammi's help in the morning before the pub lunch. When we got to the pub Richard and Danielle were there already so it was difficult to get the cake in without Richard knowing. My stage whisper at this point didn't help. Added to this, the dipsy waitress was rushed off her feet as they were very short-staffed, so that added to the funny bits. We ordered drinks that weren't available, the pizza chef was off so the pizza order had to be changed and the boys were hungry. I am sure you get the picture, Marms... we had a slightly chaotic meal with two feral kids in tow!

When everyone had finished the main course. I got the chocolate pear cake made by Dylan with the assistance of Sammi out of my bag and plonked it on the table. I unwrapped the foil and gave it to Richard. It didn't exactly look like a birthday cake so when I wished him a happy birthday I said it was probably a bit anticlimactic. Sammi from this point on called it the ACC. Despite its lack of finesse it tasted good: even better than the Tesco, shop bought, non- anticlamactic cake.

Meanwhile, Dylan and Reef decided to play chase round the garden. Dylan's lip attacked a plant pot and both the lip and the plant pot suffered greatly. There was blood enough for a Jaws remake. This wonderful English sunny day set the tone for the week. The challenge has been to wear the grandsons out. Sammi took them climbing, we all went to Box End outdoor swimming, Sammi played tennis with Danielle and me at the club. We've been all over the place. 

The biggest problem is getting the children and, to quite an extent, Sammi out of the house with all the stuff needed for each activity. All three of them leave a trail of jettisoned things - including shoes. While Dylan has been off with his Aunty Danielle and Uncle Richard today, I have gathered bits from around the house and put them in a plastic bag in preparation for Dylan leaving of Wednesday or Thursday. Reef set off to stay with his Grandfather in Sandy without vital things - a toothbrush, footwear, underwear to name but a few. God only knows what he must look like on a normal school day. 

Dylan, plus guests watched the football at my place last night. It seemed all down hill after the first half and it didn't help having Dylan telling me he didn't like the game. I told him it was history being made. His idea of history is Hitler. I am sure Hitler played football at some point, if only with corned beef cans. 

Another bit of history was our trip through the Bilsworth Tunnel on the Grand Union Canal. The tunnel is the longest canal tunnel in Britain. It was finished in 1805. It is 1 and 3/4 miles long and when it was repaired in 1979 the technology and engineering used for the work helped the Chunnel workers know how best to dig under the English Channel. The whole canal from London to Birmingham is 137 miles and it took 7 years to dig out with shovels. It was finished in the 1790s. That must have been back breaking. To think it takes probably that time to repair a stretch of the M1 these days! 

I could tell you so many more tales of my week, Marms but I am sure it would send you to sleep, not that you need much help with that these days.

Love you as always

XXX