A Sting in the Tale

 Dear Marmite

I expect you are wondering why I spelt "tale" the way I did. The answer is simple - I am going to tell you a story about a little sting. It is true and it happened yesterday. It is also quite unbelieveable and it has left me very vengeful.

Most of my day yesterday was innocuous. I played tennis, did a bit of gardening, chilled out - normal stuff. The chilling out bit turned into a nightmare though. I was sitting on my balcony in glorious sunshine at one with the world when a wasp flew up my skirt. I felt something on my thigh so I slapped it. The wasp died but the sting ended up in my thigh.

This is nothing in itself. It hurt. Obviously wasp stings do. I asked my friend to get an ice pack from the freezer. She gave me a packet of frozen crumpets. They sort of did the job of cooling down the burning round the sting. I now imagine future medical advice - take one packet of frozen crumpets...

Then things got worse. An intense itching started aound my bottom and crotch. I thought I had sat on a fire ant nest. I had a quick inspection because I was convinced there were real ants crawling on me and biting. The itching soon started in my ears as well and then under my eye lids. An octopus would not have had enough arms to quell the agony I was feeling. I came out in hives ALL over my body. Even the bottom of my feet were itching and on fire. 

By this point I realised I was having a bit of an allergic reaction to the sting. I called 111 for advice but found it difficult putting a phone to an itching ear. I could feel my pulse racing and I felt completely exhausted. Telling the very kind assistant on the other end of the phone that I had been stung by a wasp seemed wimpish. She said she'd send an ambulance and in the end I was so relieved to have help. 

My blood pressure went sky-high, I was having an asthma attack, my body was on fire and my leg was swollen from the sting. I had to take all my clothes off as they made my skin feel worse. All this took less than an hour. The paramedic gave me an injection and slowly I began to feel normal, if not a little shakey. Even after 2 cups of coffee I slept soundly through to early morning.

Today is another day. I am swiping anything that buzzes anywhere near me. Revenge is sweet. I might even include White Anglo Saxon Protestants in my revenge. A WASP is a wasp after all. To me it is quite amazing that such a small creature could cause such a reaction. I am a bit sleepy even now. 

I did, however, manage to see Danielle on her birthday today. She has been treated like royalty all weekend and she is still on a high. It seems that Ezra-Mae knew just what she wanted. What a clever girl! 

The weather this week is glorious, Marms. You would love it.

Love you.

XXX