The Whole World is Barking Mad

 Dear Marmite

You are in the ascendency! The whole world really is barking mad. I have just about recovered from the COVID shock while at the same time bigger and worse things have fallen apart around me. In contrast, I am sane. 

Let's start with Gav! Why wasn't he sacked? Has Boris got such bad judgement or is it part of a wider plan to see which member of the cabinet can piss the largest sector of the population off. There is some competition too -  Dominic's comings and goings; Gavin Williamson's exam debacle ruining the lives of young people; Matt Hancock's failure to do anything well with the NHS; and now Dido Harding is heading up a new department after cocking up the test and trace app. Even Rishi gave money to people who already had it (in some cases). Boris from the film, Snatch, couldn't have made a bigger balls up. 

There is a trickle down effect that taints everyone with a degree of stupidity. I'll give you an example - Call Centres. You phone a call centre and wait for 30 minutes to speak to someone with a strong regional accent who addresses you as "pet".  The banal music that plays while you wait is interspersed with a woman's voice telling you that your call is important to her. Has it happened to you?

I have an on-running issue with the new French windows fitted by Safestyle last February and because of lockdown this has become even more frustrating. We were due for a call out on Friday but on Thursday I got an sms to cancel it. It had been arranged for 2nd October. Sometimes the doors are hard to lock and they are the only way into the back garden. Obviously, they get used. We can't live in this house without going into the garden. 

I told Nigel Twat from the call centre that my call was very important to him and I was very angry that my appointment had been cancelled without explanation. I also told him how long I had to wait to speak to him. He said he was sorry but I knew he didn't mean it. He should have had training in sounding sincere.

I told him that his company should have more people employed to man phones. He said it was COVID. We have been in this situation for 5 months. If large companies haven't come up with a better solution to their working practices by now they deserve to go under. To be honest we didn't get off on a good footing. He told me not to use the doors until October. I told him to provide a ladder so we could climb over the back fence. To cut a long story short - I have an appointment for Monday... not in October. Why do things have to be so difficult?

I have also discovered that my new swimming regime is making me fat. My watch says I am burning over 800 calories a dip and I swim 3 times a week. Yet, when I get dressed, I struggle to get my clothes on. One day last week I forgot my towel. It is the towel that Kevin gave me as part of my leaving present. It is brightly coloured and not something anyone would not notice. Swimming is also affecting my organisation skills. Maybe I should try something that will help me lose wait and develop my brain a bit more.

I went to Bletchley Park Museum yesterday - an amazing place. It was the birthplace of the modern computer and for most people who lived locally, it was a place of mystery during the war. The place was chosen to as an intelligence hub for its position in relation to Oxford and Cambridge and for its rail link to London. I think it would have been rather fun spending your working day doing puzzles to find out what the enemy were up to.

On the home front it is fruit picking time. I have been out with my colunder to pick blackberries most days and this week at the Community Orchard we picked plums and apples. I have a bowl full and have already made an apple and plum cobbler. Perhaps not everyone is barking mad after all.

Singapore is a place of sanity... People like Boris and Nigel Twat wouldn't survive. Think yourself lucky Marms. You are in a good place, to be sure. Even the weather is better.

Love you as always,

XXX