Adieu

 Dear Marmite

It is at these very sad moments that I find it difficult to find the right words to express my feelings. Hope Julia Dawn was taken off life support on Sunday and spent the last short while of her life in her Mum and Dad's arms. Friends and family were with them all day. Danielle has explained to Ezra-Mae that her baby sister is going where the snowman went. Ezra-Mae's melting snowman that her Dad made is still a talking point and we all love to sit and watch The Snowman by Raymond Briggs. I like that idea. 

The 9 days of Hope's life have been a blur. In some ways for me it was like musical chairs. I had Shadow, then I had Shadow and Ezra-Mae. My friend, Peter, in the village had Shadow while I went up to the Special Care Unit in Leicester and I passed E-M to Amira while I played a tennis match. Shadow is now with Richard's brother in Cambridgeshire. Now I have Lucky. Lucky is Sammi's dog. As I said to my friend - I've got Lucky!!

In fact, we have all been so lucky to have so much support and I can only praise the staff in the hospitals for all the love and emotional support they gave as well as their professional care. These people are truly amazing. Jenni was Hope's special nurse. So that we could hold Hope all the tubes had to be taken out of the incubator and then stuck to our arm. It was a tricky manoeuvre. Nothing was too much trouble. It seemed like everyone automatically knew who we were and greeted us by name. It was all so personal. Thank you NHS.

Hope was Christened on Saturday morning. Danielle videoed it. I watched the video and cried. I have now watched it a couple of times and it still touches me. Hope came to us for a reason and even though her life has been short, she will remain in our hearts. Danielle and Richard could not have loved her more. The hospital have prepared a memory box for babies like Hope. That is a special thing too.

While all this has been happening, other parts of our lives continue. I was showing off my Junk inbox to my friend, Ann. I get emails for Hot Ukraine Girls and Penis Enlargements - I wonder why? Among these was one from my car insurer. The payment hadn't gone through for renewal. Argh... I had been driving without insurance unbeknowningly. That had to be sorted. Panic! There are other things in my life on the back burner. One day I'll get back on track.

I even collected letters from my postbox and then didn't open them and there are probably a few things in my house that will turn up in the most unusual places. Ezra-Mae at two is all over the place. She has a box of toys here but there are always other much more interesting things to play with. She likes to wear a yellow rubber glove - that is now part of her toys so it will probably no longer be of interest. On the downside she has a thing for the dog's water bowl. This she likes to throw... Naughty!

So Marms, life here is a bit frenetic. I send my love to you and thank you for listening to me at this sad time. You are very special even though I do have dogs around me to love.

Love you, as always

XXX

Blessing in Abundance

 Dear Marmite

Earlier this week I wrote  and told you the news of baby Hope. She is still in Leicester Hospital in the care of experts and she is coming up to a week old. It has been a week that I can not easily describe. Danielle has been up in family accommodation in the hospital while Rich has taken care of Ezra-Mae and then they swap places and Danielle comes home to Ezra-Mae and Wolverton to a life that is anything but normal. 

Eaxh day I get updates on her progress. It feels like she takes two steps forward and one step back. When she is a week old, they will do a scan to check her brain function. As yet she is being kept alive on life support. Words cannot express the mental turmoil and feelings I have. I just want Danielle to know that I am there for her.

I'm doing my bit. For the time being I have Shadow. At 12 she is still a lively dog who doesn't mind being dragged over muddy fields. We go out twice a day and she is always eager to have her harness on. She was aptly named. She likes to be near me. Her mat has been dragged into my bedroom and she comes into the bathroom to watch me go to the loo. Please take note Marms, the word walkies makes her excited. Shadow is my new best friend!

While I look after Shadow I have had others look after me. Ann has stayed with me for a few days. Canasta and Scrabble have filled our time very nicely. Singapore friends were around at the weekend and we spent a lovely afternoon at the Barley Mow. 

I have been touched by how much love and support everyone has shown. We have all been truly blessed. From all our friends who are praying for Hope I know that we have all the bases covered. I think we are only missing prayers from a Taoist and a Catholic to ensure all hotlines to God have been engaged. The world is full of love and I know we are all more alike than we are different. I thank you all for the love you share. I can feel that love.

Richard's company have just offered to pay for a hotel room near the hospital. This means that the family can stay together at this time and that is so much better for each of them.

Danielle and Ezra-Mae went up this afternoon to join Richard. I now have a moderate list of items she needs me to bring along tomorrow when I visit Hope. Mums are useful for some things.

Love you Marms. I know your thoughts are with us

XXX

Touch and Go

 Dear Marmite

I really wanted this blog to you to be a happy one. It isn't. Danielle had her baby last Friday, 3rd February. She had a difficult pregnancy, a difficult labour and now a newborn that is on the brink of life. Sadly, it is touch and go whether baby Hope will pull through. Currently Richard, Danielle and Ezra-Mae are in Leicester as there is a Specialist Baby Unit up there. There are so many sad things about all of this and the biggest is that Danielle cannot pick up this little bundle and give her a cuddle. 

Danielle says everyone in the hospital has been marvellous and supportive all the way through and we must praise them for everything that they have done. They recognised how tough it was for Danielle to be back on ward 9 with other mothers who had their babies with them. Now the family is in Leicester where there is a specialist baby unit. 

I am in constant touch with Danielle and I have Shadow with me. I know Shad-the-Bad spent last night on my sofa - Bad Dog... She then disappeared this morning and didn't answer when I called her. She was hiding under my bed. Bad dog. We went for a walk around the village and I was constantly looking at my phone and texting. This is something that irritates me no end when others do it. Whoops. Special times - special measures. Message to self - be more tolerant!

I was away last week and my Ring doorbell alerted me to movement outside my house. My nextdoor neighbour, Colin, had helped himself to my hose and water supply to wash his car. Bloody Cheek! I spoke to him through the Ring and he said he would have asked if I was around. He actually has my email, phone number and whatsapp... He really could have asked if he if had wanted to. He was caught red handed! Tolerance levels low.

My overriding emotion is actually love for Danielle, Richard and Ezra-Mae at this special time. As a Mum, I want to fix things and make everything right. I wish I had those special powers. 

I used to let my heart out to you, Marms, and I know that you always looked at me in just the right way to show you understood. I know you are there for me now. 

I really do love you,

XXX