Adieu

 Dear Marmite

It is at these very sad moments that I find it difficult to find the right words to express my feelings. Hope Julia Dawn was taken off life support on Sunday and spent the last short while of her life in her Mum and Dad's arms. Friends and family were with them all day. Danielle has explained to Ezra-Mae that her baby sister is going where the snowman went. Ezra-Mae's melting snowman that her Dad made is still a talking point and we all love to sit and watch The Snowman by Raymond Briggs. I like that idea. 

The 9 days of Hope's life have been a blur. In some ways for me it was like musical chairs. I had Shadow, then I had Shadow and Ezra-Mae. My friend, Peter, in the village had Shadow while I went up to the Special Care Unit in Leicester and I passed E-M to Amira while I played a tennis match. Shadow is now with Richard's brother in Cambridgeshire. Now I have Lucky. Lucky is Sammi's dog. As I said to my friend - I've got Lucky!!

In fact, we have all been so lucky to have so much support and I can only praise the staff in the hospitals for all the love and emotional support they gave as well as their professional care. These people are truly amazing. Jenni was Hope's special nurse. So that we could hold Hope all the tubes had to be taken out of the incubator and then stuck to our arm. It was a tricky manoeuvre. Nothing was too much trouble. It seemed like everyone automatically knew who we were and greeted us by name. It was all so personal. Thank you NHS.

Hope was Christened on Saturday morning. Danielle videoed it. I watched the video and cried. I have now watched it a couple of times and it still touches me. Hope came to us for a reason and even though her life has been short, she will remain in our hearts. Danielle and Richard could not have loved her more. The hospital have prepared a memory box for babies like Hope. That is a special thing too.

While all this has been happening, other parts of our lives continue. I was showing off my Junk inbox to my friend, Ann. I get emails for Hot Ukraine Girls and Penis Enlargements - I wonder why? Among these was one from my car insurer. The payment hadn't gone through for renewal. Argh... I had been driving without insurance unbeknowningly. That had to be sorted. Panic! There are other things in my life on the back burner. One day I'll get back on track.

I even collected letters from my postbox and then didn't open them and there are probably a few things in my house that will turn up in the most unusual places. Ezra-Mae at two is all over the place. She has a box of toys here but there are always other much more interesting things to play with. She likes to wear a yellow rubber glove - that is now part of her toys so it will probably no longer be of interest. On the downside she has a thing for the dog's water bowl. This she likes to throw... Naughty!

So Marms, life here is a bit frenetic. I send my love to you and thank you for listening to me at this sad time. You are very special even though I do have dogs around me to love.

Love you, as always

XXX