My fury knows no bounds

 Dear Marmite

I need to get this off my chest. Inside me there is a Green Hulk close to bursting out of my skin. Marks and Sparks surpass themselves with every communication I have had over my sofa. Today, I have waited all day for a delivery of a replacement cushion that I was told would be personally fitted. Once more they went the extra mile to irk and annoy!

The appointment in my diary meant I couldn't pop off for a swim and there had been no two hour time slot for me to work around either. I was prepared for this. I am totally aware of how useless that shop is.. I decided today was the day I would paint the small bedroom. At least I would be doing something useful.

In the end, it wouldn't have mattered if I had gone out or not. They dumped the parcel at Danielle's place. I phoned them up in anger, waited relatively patiently while I was put on hold to irritating elevator music for far too long because the robot couldn't understand me. I speak pretty standard English for God's sake!! What sort of accent does it like? 

When I finally got through to a girl with a thick Scouse accent I wondered whether the M&S robot would have picked up what she was saying more easily than it did me. I digress. I was told it was my fault that I hadn't updated my delivery address. I pointed out they managed to dump the sofa in the right garden so how was I to know they had conveniently forgotten this. TWATS!!

The customer service girl managed to enrage me more by saying she apologised. I told her she wasn't placating me. I had come to the end of my patience and I wasn't going to be mollified by her insincerity. 

The upshot... a manager will contact me within 72 hours. Watch this space Marmite... I might turn green and explode. 

On a lighter note, Danielle has met your doppleganger at the local recreation ground. His name is Max and for all the world he looks just like you do. How cool is that? There are two beautifully handsome rotties roaming this Earth. 

Marms, thank you for listening to me. I really do feel aggrieved at my treatment from bloody twats at M&S. My next problem is, where do I buy my undies from now I have vowed never to shop there again?

Love you!!

XXX