Conversations with Marmite: A week of mixed fortunes

Dear Marmite

Once again COVID has been the big disruptor in my life. Provided I don't aim to do anything beyond the mundane, I can plan. I was to visit an old friend but that is now off the cards due to social distancing from potential carriers. ARGH!!! This is not an unusual situation these days and in some ways it makes me wonder whether we will ever get back to socialising, ever again.

There are other things to say ARGH about as well. Top of the list is that my Galaxy Active watch has died after one year and two weeks! I took it into the Samsung shop in MK Centre so I could be entertained by a prize twat. He told me that it was water damaged and it isn't meant to be used in water. Fair enough.

The counter to this is there is an app for swimming so I asked him how I could use it for swimming if I couldn't get it wet. He said the app was there because it was part of a package and it was no more than splash-proof. If you swim with it, you can't put it in water. My imagination of how a swimming style would look like if your left arm were always out of the water.

Unsatisfied with the poor response from Mr Silly Twat from the Samsung shop in MK Centre, I looked online and spoke to Benedict on a chat line through the Samsung website. He was sympathetic and helpful. He passed me on to another Samsung man in Leeds who went through the manual for my watch. On page 27 it says that you can use it for swimming but not for thrusting it through the water or for diving.

I pointed out that I am an old dear and was not likely to be thrusting my arms through the water at any great speed these days. Satisfied that I have not mis-used it, on Monday I am off to see Mr Twat to ask what I should do next... hopefully get a replacement or part exchnge. WATCH THIS SPACE, Marms! ARGH!

I told Danielle and Richard the sad story of the dying watch. When I got to the part where I mentioned about being an old dear, Richard scoffed and said I was playing the vulnerable card again. I am vulnerable - it's official. E-On sent me a letter to say that in the event of a power cut, they will sort out my home first. I am on their vulnerable register. I can't even record my activity at the moment to show how I potter along after nearly a year of retirement. My watch is broken.

I have also joined a tennis club. I signed up for lessons but was a bit of a square peg in a round hole so now I am just doing the socials. I am still not fully recovered from the British Council accident but I am getting there thanks to the swimming, rolling around the bedroom floor and cycling I have been doing.

As old age creeps up on me, I often wonder what is acceptable behaviour. When do the things that children do, cease to be acceptable. The other day at the swimming pool a young boy of about 4 was sitting on his mother's bag in the shower area with a giraffe on his head. I asked him if his cuddly giraffe could swim - after all, it was at a swimming pool. He looked at me as if I was off my rocker. His mother smiled at me so I said, if it could swim, it would probably win any race by a neck.

A giraffe sitting on a 4 year-old's head is perfectly natural. If that child were 10, would that seem as natural. How long Marms, do you think I will need to wait until I too can adorn myself with the bizarre? I was tempted to put the trophy we won at the quiz this week on my head. Something stopped me... Perhaps I am not quite old enough to do that in a pub yet!!!