Life in Lockdown

Dear Marmite

I am no longer really sure what lockdown means. I see pictures of crowded beaches and the roads are much busier now as well. A combination of British Whitsuntide, the barmy sun and the Dominic Cummings effect has sent the average Brit into complete amnesia. I believe there are a vast number of people out there who have no idea why we huddled up at home and kept away from all and sundry for well over two months.

More shops open their doors for business tomorrow. I won't be in the queue. I wonder if this lockdown will have changed our shopping habits. When I was in Singapore- a country that styled itself as a shoppers paradise, you could buy anything from anywhere in the world at a price. Nowadays shoppers over there scan a barcode when they enter a mall and then again when they go into a shop. They do the same when leaving the shop and the mall. Everyone wears masks and I think that hand sanitisers and masks are free still. Awareness is high and I think so are the fines.

Big Bad Bumbling Boris and his cronies have failed the UK on so many levels. For once we are top of the league. This league is not one we should be proud to be at the top of though. We are the black sheep of Europe by quite a margin. The media lambasts them and the polls show their ratings slip further south by the day and only they can't see how bad they are. I suppose I should be grateful that the UK has an open press.

There are new travel regulations coming into force in the near future-ish. They are vague and ill thought out like most of the government directives. My friend who is returning to the UK in July from Singapore for good, needs to get her own transport from Heathrow. She cannot use public transport which is fair enough. She also needs to self-isolate for 14 days after returning. Does this mean that everyone in her household has to do the same or is it just the travellers?

She is also unsure whether she has a flight as yet - all is uncertain and in the lap of the Gods. What a nightmare! I have offered to pop down to the airport and pick her up. She is probably more likely to be COVID free than your average Brit. I am not worried about meeting her at all. It will be a muted reunion and not the way we used to greet home-comers. At least she will have wheels - the least I can do.

It was my birthday a couple of days ago and as I mentioned on FB at my age I should quietly let my birthdays slip by as I am heading rapidly for my dotage. I made a meal last Sunday and used the Eid celebration as my birthday and then on my birthday I went out with my house friend for a fish and chips.

We cycled to New Bradwell as I had seen a chip shop there on a previous jaunt. I must say they weren't the best I've tasted but sitting on the grass with the bikes propped up against a tree eating my first fish and chips out of paper since my return was a bit special. It was made more so watching the lengthening shadows as the sun slowly dipped. After we got back, we had birthday cake - homemade by my friend - delicious too. The rum and raisin icecream and cherries were a perfect pairing too. All in all a lovely lockdown birthday.

Big ring.. happy daughter

really wonderful food

Yesterday, my daughter and her fiance came over - yes... they are engaged and the ring is rather big and beautiful - lucky girl. Richard cooked us all another birthday meal and then we went up to Community Orchard to for a gander before playing a highly competitive game of petanque on the recreation ground. Once again I was on the losing side. I really must get practicing.

The most special thing about the last few days is the way so many of my friends all across the world have sent birthday greetings on FB and other apps. It really is very special when we are now in our own little bubbles and isolated from our immediate worlds. Over this coming year I plan to make friends with a literate penguin. I feel this is my only chance of getting a future birthday greeting from Antarctica as well. I got greetings from 6 continents but felt a little let down that no one in Antarctica noticed my special day - only joking Marms. I have enough happy memories to keep me smiling for some time to come.

I know you are doing well. Lockdown Singapore style suits you. I still miss you and send loads of hugs,

Love

XXX

I need this like a hole in the head

Dear Marmite

We are indeed living in strange times. In these strange times we turn our hand to all sorts of things. You might remember that I got scalped in the joint effort of my daughter and my asylum seeking, house friend. My hair is almost acceptable now it is growing back. I  had asked them to be careful so they wielded the shears and clippers for a worrying length of time until I got panicky that the battery would run out and my hair would be lop-sided.

Now I have become a bit of a Vidal Sassoon myself and I am mostly proud of my handiwork. In fact, 95% of the hair cut looks really good even though I say it myself. The last 5%, however,  will take a few days to recover. My asylum seeking friend is the victim of my new skill and I know he is rather proud of his appearance so I  really was extra careful in making it look good.

Unfortunately, right at the last moment when I was trying to perfect the gradation from longer hair to the cropped bit at the back, I got too close with the clippers and really did do a mini scalping. If I hadn't reacted, I might have got away with it. As I said, my friend is rather vain so he wanted me to take a picture of the handiwork around the back of his head so there was no hiding my slip of the clippers.

As my family will attest, the difference between a good and bad haircut is about three weeks. Because the hair is already short, I think it will be unnoticeable within a few days. In the meantime, I have suggested he wear a cap! In this barmy summer weather no one will notice.

Fortunately, I don't think this small nick in the hairline has soured relations but it might be quite some time before I am asked to do anything like this again. Talking of slips, I had a rather painful one mysef the other day. Once again I cycled ahead into the sunset and sent us down a track that ended in a gate somewhere in Campbell Park.

At the gate I picked up my bike to heave it over  and a nice young man offered to help. I didn't want to appear the old dear that I am so I gaily hopped over to rejoin my bike. Unfortunately my foot didn't quite fit in the gap between the railings and I slipped so the decorative loops on top of the gate literally disappeared between my cheeks. I had a leg either side of the gate and I was literally sitting on the fence.

For a moment I contemplated never getting on a bike ever again. I was in the company of men and didn't want to cry out. I really thought I had damaged my nether regions beyond repair. When I got home I thought about taking a selfie just to see what the damage was. (no picture is available for this blog).

A few days later, I can say the pain is a distant memory.  On other cycling trips more pleasant things have happened like finding an Indian shop that sold Vitamalt! I won cases of Vitamalt in the Bahamas for running so this drink carries with it a big dose of nostalgia.

Marms, I won't be looking at gates with anything other than abject terror from now on. I remember you had a big aversion to escaping from a boarded up Keppel Railway station and you and I eventually made it to the outside by crawling through a drain.  Oh happy times!!

I miss our old adventures. Still missing you as well.

Love

XXX

The next best thing to Christmas

Dear Marmite

Eid Mubarak!!

I expect you hold our Christmas' together close to your heart if only for the turkey stock and rice that came in abundance after the big meal. We both missed out on Chirstmas 2019 but yesterday with a blend of cultures - Eid and an early birthday - we managed a much smaller celebration. This involved a dog and plonk.

Instead of turkey we had roast lamb and our replacement for Christmas pud was "grown up banoffee pie" which had rum in. My daughter, Danielle and her boyfriend came over with Shadow.  The bonhomie remained respectfully distanced while the drink flowed reasonably freely. We all played very silly games and of course hats were compulsory accessories for the entire day.

So this was an Eid celebration - English style. The lamb was already dead so no need for sacrifice and luckily the piece of pig accidentally bought last week was nowhere to be seen! There were far fewer sweets than there should have been but there was sheesha in the garden and a sizable shoulder joint for Shadow to chomp on while we puffed away.

Big bottle

For those who have celebrated previous Christmas' with me, I am sad to say we didn't do spoons. Coronavirus is not conducive to this game so that was clearly a  no no. It would be a real clincher if Dominic Cummings were caught playing spoons as well as galavanting all over Britain spreading his germs when everyone else was on lockdown. That man needs shooting - not sacking. He is a disgrace. Marmite, you have my full permission to maul his ankles. Kill!

I went to my friend Mike's funeral in Stevenage last Friday. I felt very unsettled about being only one of ten people allowed to attend and I dreaded it not being a worthy way to say goodbye. Despite the small gathering it was wonderful and so beautifully done. It was also live-streamed for those who couldn't attend. Danielle watched it across town on her phone. Thank God for technology keeping us together.
Good Bye Mike Webster - you always made me laugh!

The funny thing is, everyone says the same thing. "After all this is over we must get together". If only half of the people who have said that to me mean it, I am going to be very busy catching up for a long time to come. Perhaps I should just plan a day in the future and invite everyone all at the same time and we can all get together. Can anyone suggest a good date?

Of course you are invited, Marms - you will be the star of the show, I promise.

Love you soooo much.

XXX

Ad Infinitum for quite a long time...

Dear Marmite,

You are probably not the first to hear this but I am suffering. I recognise the symptoms because like everyone else these days I have time to look them up at length on google. I have "lockdown fatigue". I forget what day it is for starters. I put off til tomorrow what I could do in 5 minutes here and now and the most worrying symptom of all is that I get excited when there is something to do like visit Tescos.

Yesterday we went to a different Tescos because it is larger than the one in Wolverton. It has an upstairs! As you can imagine, I was chomping at the bit to go somewhere other than my usual hunting ground.

The rules have changed and couples can now shop together. We wandered along the isles mostly following the arrows, sometimes even realising that we had probably walked past what we were looking for. Panic - we couldn't just walk back - oh no! With arrows on the floor you need to take a meandering stroll avoiding fellow trolley pushers to get back to the aisle you need.

This is not my style of shopping. This type of shopping normally gives me apoplexy. I make a list. I go in a shop. I throw stuff in my trolley and leave at speed. If I can't find what I need I either substitute or forget about it. I don't even go to another shop.

Conusumerism is a political statement and what I consume gives me cultural currency! I learnt this from the futurelearn course I am doing. With this is mind, I had a small joy wondering what my choices said about me and what consumer category Mr. Tesco has put me in.

He will be in for a shock this week as I will need to go out to my local branch to buy another roast! I accidentally picked up a pork shoulder that looked good. IT said "Large" on the label and in my dream state, I took it for "lamb". This is now in my freezer for a time when pork-loving guests come to dinner! Joy of joys. I have something to look forward to -another trip to the supermarket. YAY!

As I have said before, I am doing an online course, political ideology and propaganda. I expect you are thinking these are pretty big words in themselves. Besides learning to spell them correctly, I have learnt loads. My last unit was about how our decor choices make a statement about who we are.

As I look around my magnolia-walled living room filled with furniture from Dairy Farm, it says to me this is not my permanent home. The furniture is too big for starters. I don't even have room for a diniing table. My stuff is a testament to my travels. Plus there are a few bits that don't fit in cupboards so it never looks totally tidy. I now know that I am also making a political statement. I would like that statement to be I am not a throw-away consumer.

View on Friday.. rubbish awaiting collection

View to garden..it could be any day

For now, I do know what day it is. The rubbish is on the verge outside awaiting collection. The washing machine is whirring quietly in the kitchen and Ramadan is nearly over! Despite my sufferings, I do have a partial grip on reality. I even have some plans for a future in mind so perhaps today I'll start lining my ducks up!

Skip has gone..along with the memory of seeing it every day.

Love you as always oh lovely dog.

XXX

I am working on being alert

Dear Marmite

Country idyll. St Nich's, Stevenage

I know that being chilled out is your modus operandi. Over here Big Bad Boris has asked everyone to be ALERT. I think this means that should I fall ill to the virus, it will be all my fault because I let my guard down.

To be honest, I am over this isolating lark and limiting my life to a very small range of activities. This week I have hit a slough of despond. I have started to make plans to travel and see other people from June onwards. If I thought this state were going to last beyond June, I would be preparing for total hibernation so I could wake up after all this was over.

Unfortunately, as part of my plans I won't be hopping on a plane to visit you in Singapore. That will probably remain a big NO NO for some time to come. So Marms, just keep those happy selfies coming. It is not like having you with me but it is nice to see you happy.

Adding to my unsettled mental state is my dodgy leg. If I had physio, I know I would be up for tennis now. You know the score - physios are not currently working. Instead, I am popping painkillers and hobbling around like an old dear. I haven't been out on the bike either. This is not like me.

Testament to how long this lockdown is going on is the frequency I see the same funny isolation videos pop up on my whatsapp and FB. I put this down to people reaching the peak of their creativity so the funny videos are drying up. Now they probably feel like hibernating along with me too. I could be a 21st century Rip Van Winkle.

Life is not all doom and gloom. My garden is slowly coming round and we have been taking leaves off the chard to cook. I have also trimmed the carrot tops and added them to a soup. An old potato has sprouted and I now have a gooseberry bush as well. My daughter is coming over to plant runner beans so they can grow up the fence.  At least we will have fresh veg and a few potential desserts to look forward to - when my hibernation is over, that is.

I also look forward to a time when the skip that has now been a feature in the front garden for nearly two weeks will get collected. It doesn't match my idea of garden design and it certainly doesn't look good alongside Doris - my deity standing by my front door. If there is a current scarcity of skips in MK, it is because no one is collecting them. Mine is up for grabs.. Please grab it.

I must finish this now as I need to practise being a Lert... old joke but this country is short of them. We must all do our bit and look out for microscopic particles wafting our way.

Love you, you old dog..

XXX

Ooops a Daisy

Dear Marmite

Shadow- pencil drawing

This phrase might be familiar to you. Contrary to the commentary in the film, Nottinghill it is still in my lexicon and gets used at appropriate times. As you know, we are still in lockdown over here in the UK and we all await news today of the type of lockdown to expect in the coming weeks direct from the horses mouth - Boris the horse, that is.

Yesterday was a bit of an oooops for starters. My friend and I set out in the late afternoon for our bike ride. It was the hottest day of the year so far - 26c. We cycled along the Grand Union Canal to the old railway track and then joined the Grand Union again til we got to Willen Lake. Nobody in the world would see the hordes gathered there and imagine we were a country in isolation. People we picnicking, sauntering in large groups, cycling and generally filling up space. Social distancing or physical distancing didn't exist at Willen.

The next oooops was realising that if we didn't push hard, we wouldn't get back for Iftar. I was hungry and I hadn't eaten since lunch time so my friend must have been ready to eat his knuckles or perhaps a horse called Boris. Fortunately, I am now quite familiar with the cycle paths and although they all seem the same when you first encounter them, I now know which settlement leads to the next and so to home. This was a 15 mile jaunt in all.

We made it in time to have our fusion meal of fish and chips - hummous - dates - you get the picture.. These mixtures really do blend well and not just because we were famished.  On the way back home we passed a number of takeaways that were doing a brisk business. Barbecued smells wafted from back gardens and these added to my own urgency to eat. When your mind is on food it becomes an obsession, everything and anything draws your attention to your empty stomach.  In fact, I could have eaten Boris.

homemade hummous

This morning while I was in the living room drinking coffee a bloody great crow - a 747 sized crow to be honest was in my garden. I think I now know why my fat balls of bird food had previously been decimated and the bird feeder left on the ground. When bird feeder had previously been pulled off the fence, I thought it was the neighbour's cats. I was wrong.

It was the crow. He was at the wire that hooked the feeder to the fence and not the food. Clever crow. This time he had been foiled. It wouldn't budge. Instead he left with a lock of my hair that was still in the garden from my recent hair cut. Just think, my hair will be part of his nest. I like that idea. Next time I see the bird feeder on the floor, I'll just have a quick oops a daisy and try my luck at fixing it back more firmly. I promise not to curse the local cats.

I am still drawing - I watch Grayson's Art Club and do his project each week. The first week it was a portrait. This week was animals. I did Shadow - I  am sure you remember her. After all, it was you who found her brother and her under a car outside Dairy Farm. Am I drawing any differently? I don't think so. I am just doing it faster and more intuitively. Drawing is fun.

As you know, I am still trying to brush up my Arabic. It is getting better but I am certainly not brilliant. I have started to learn the script. Funnily enough, my friend seems to be picking up more English than I am Arabic. The other day he knocked something over and said oops a daisy. It came out so naturally. If naturally English phrases were part of a national test for residency - he would pass with flying colours.

I realise how much Cutting Edge and English File is lacking in language. I can see a future for me filling in the gaps teaching EFL learners when to drop in an appropriate "Oh bugger".  What do you reckon, Marms? Is there a future in it?

VE Day from my front door

Keep the selfies coming, you handsome chap..

Love and hugs

XXX

May the Fourth be with You!

Dear Marmite

It is Star Wars Day! May the Force be with You! This brings to mind what I did on previous Star Wars Days back when you were all mine and life passed us by at a remarkable pace.

So two years ago at this time, I was definitely in bed in Geneagles hosting a party that only really lacked a corkscrew - Rachel   - friend - helpfully brought along a bottle of wine and wine glasses but failed to remember the crucial missing item. I had just had both my knees done by Dr Chong only a couple of hours before.  He had tidied them up and repaired the dodgy bits inside leaving me with more usable knees and almost microscopic scars.., Wonderful man!

Gleneagles in Singapore is very central and so it was easy for visitors to come along and see me. Perhaps I could count this as one of my first leaving parties although I didn't actually realise it at the time. I think there were probably about 7 of us in one little hospital room plus a bewildered nurse who seemed genuinely worried she couldn't supply a corkscrew.

When I first came round, Diane was there to greet me with black coffee. From that moment life looked rosy. I couldn't complain about the wonderful treatment by the staff or the friends who helped me through what I thought would be a dire time not being able to walk. I remember practicing going up and down stairs on my bottom in case I couldn't do it after the operation. It was fine.

Even Mohd. Noor from Dairy Farm offered me a lift on his dustcart while I was on crutches. And you, Marms, you were a super good boy. Jeremy took you for walks and I lurched alongside on my crutches.

Then last year, I was in Siem Reap. I know this because a picture popped up on my FB page this morning! Last year I travelled round the nether regions of Cambodia and ended up in Siem Reap.

While I was visiting a country that had been devastated by Pol Pot unwanted guests were in my bedroom  devastating it and making a nest out of my underwear. You, Marms probably said, "go ahead - make yourself at home!". No one in the DFE management believed me until a friend set up a spy camera in my house. There we spied at least 10 big rats sniffing around late at night. Even now, it makes me shudder to think about it.

Even that adversity had a comedic side. What, with my special sausgages and my friend, Margy's wild wraps. I can laugh about the spin offs of that time of horror now. I expect you, Marms just remember those happy party times when those 'little dogs' came to visit each night and amused you. For me, when it was happening, I was definitely NOT happy. The only rat I like is Andrea. She is a bronze one that lives in a bathroom a couple of floors below my old place! That is another story!

So today, this is pretty normal. I await the ripping out of my bath. This is the last room that need to be sorted. The plumbing is as much a problem as any aesthetics. The shower mixer runs either hot or cold. When I first got here it was only cold. Cold showers in a cold house  - no wonder I am a tough old bird!

The cistern also overflows so again this is another need-to-do job. The sink was pretty much OK until my grandson, Reef climbed onto it and pulled it out of its moorings. So as you can see, despite the upcoming dust and gubby bits, today is a good day. The end of the renovation is in sight. Even the sun is shining today.

Today... awaiting skip

Today also marks to two-month mark of my having a house guest - not a rat this time, thankfully. This is a direct result of the country lockdown. I have promised him an early release for good behaviour - especially for the nice meals.

I wonder where we will all be this time next year.

Love you loads, Marmite, my old man...

XXX

May Day, mayday, mayday

Dear Marmite,

Where is the time going to? I arrived in the UK at the very end of January and it is already May. In that time, a lot of water has passed under the bridge - and more than a few inches of rain too. I am still transforming a house into a temporary home - one bathroom left to do now before I apply the finishing touches.

Beside the regular biking and rolling around on the floor, I am also doing a futurelearn course - Political Ideology and Propaganda. Week 1 is already under my belt and so far it is a great challenge. My days are full.

May Day was spent on my latest art project. I watched an  inspirational All 4  art programme by Grayson and this launched me into hours of getting lost on a big white page. For those who know me, my art is a way of me losing myself rather than producing masterpieces.

On Tuesdays, we go off delivering food parcels and this week I began to feel I know the people I am delivering to. This was a plus this week. The rain was torrential so my paper record of deliveries ended up as a mush. My PPE visor flew away in the wind and so I had to chase it down a car park while hanging on to a clipboard and two food parcels. It might have looked funny, but for me, it wasn't.

My coat was soaked through. I couldn't see through the visor and I had to remember the food orders. I tried to smile when people opened the door to me but with social distancing I couldn't even stand in their porch area to get out of the driving rain - and with carrying parcels, using an umbrella was not an option. I was wet to the core. Smiling was a challenge.

My  house friend has also started to receive community food parcels because of his status or lack of it. Part of this week's offering was 100 mini blackcurrant jam pots like the restaurants use. I'd appreciate any ideas for using these in recipes that don't require flour as that is unavailable still!

On the weather front, I know that you have had terrific thunderstorms in Singapore. I hope you found a safe place to cuddle up in. I know how nervous even the thought of a thunderstorm was for you. You would look out of the window and decide whether it was worth risking a walk if the sky looked overcast - You wily old dog.

Over here we have had what seems like a week of almost continual rain. The garden has thrived because of this. The chard will keep us going for many weeks to come and I am going to cut the carrot tops and use those greens as well this weekend.

I can only imagine eating my plums and Cox's orange pippins in late summer along with a stick or two of rhubarb. I shouldn't wish my time away but I can't wait for a time when life will become, "the new normal". I have already booked a family holiday for October - another thing to look forward to.

Meanwhile, life goes on. It is Ramadan so I am eating late but I don't do Suhoor. I still maintain my bad coffee habit througout the day as well as having a G&T in the evening along with a few puffs of Sheesha. So, as you can see Marms, I am living between worlds and having the best of both. Life isn't that bad and I really don't need to cry for help....mayday, mayday...

Keep safe, look after Rita - she loves you loads and I can see you love her too.

Love

XXX