A thorn in my side

 Dear Marmite

Summer is in full swing and everyone seems to smile more over here. It is lovely to be in the UK at this time of the year. My flowers are surviving the drought and my garden looks quite pretty. So why do I have a need to complain?

Life is never smooth. That is how it was when I set off for a spin on my bike and YET again I end up with a flat tyre. This is a bit of a groundhog day moment. It happens for too often. Of course, it all needed sorting and so with my bike in bits in my garden I found a very small thorn sticking through the tyre. I fiddled with it for some time before I thought. F**k it - I am going to get a new tyre! And, that is what I did. Some ££££ later and about 2 minutes fixing the bike shop had kitted my wheel with a pretty solid looking tyre. So it remains for me to try it out now.  Errrr.

I have also bought a new fridge-freezer. Currys is relentless in the amount of emails it sends to me asking how I like it and what I could also buy to make my kitchen experience even better. I also get emails about the payment plan for the fridge. This has probably delayed my writing to you!! The only trouble is that I don't have the damn thing. It hasn't been delivered. Temperatures are going up to 30c so that fridge had better be here soon. Errrrr.

There is one thing happening now that is even more exciting than Wimbledon. That is the Boris Shitshow and Omnishambles all rolled into one. If it was a movie you couldn't make it up. Chris Pincher - or more aptly named - Chris Groper was the final straw. Now the cabinet are admitting to lying for Boris and have resigned. Why did they lie to start with? Has no one in the cabinet got a shred of integrity? Surely it isn't just Boris that is rotten to the core? Errrrrr....

So in the national media people are being dragged out to talk about the Boris legacy. Loads of bollocks and drivel floating over the airwaves. From my perspective on this is his world beating death rate from COVID and a BREXIT that still isn't sorted. I don't think history will be kind to him. Apparently when he leaves number 10 he will be homeless - how sad!

Watching Wimbledon live has been a great waste of my time and I've loved every minute. I am mostly wrecked after two hours of tennis so I know how much playing tennis at that level must hurt! I would like to see Jabeur and Kyrgios as champions with only one small addendum - I hope against hope that Kyrgios has been wrongly accused of being abusive to his girlfriend.  I don't want to support a mysognist though I do tend to go for the off beat players. I loved Nastase back in the day!

And so Marms, I have to admit to having enjoyed having Shadow around for a couple of days. Shad the Bad moved her bed so she could see me in bed. She also refused to walk over a lock so I went on another route with her. Apart from those things she was quite a little darling. A lady walking her own dog recognised her and asking if the dog is walking was Shadow.  She is famous in these parts!! 

You Marms will always be my number one though. 

Love you.

XXX

Road kill and other murderous thoughts

 Dear Marmite

A nice picture of a blanket I am making. I didn't want to push the road kill point too much

Last night at the quiz we were asked a question about road kill in the UK. I know this might be a squeamish topic for you but it is part and parcel of living in the UK. Anyway, here's the question: What mammal is most frequently killed on British roads? Well, I thought it had to be rabbits. Around my way there are always hundreds of them running back and forth across the road to my village. For sheer numbers there have to be more rabbits around to be killed. 

Also from my cycling, I see lots of unfortunates with their guts spread across the road. I really thought my logic would win the point. I was wrong. Badgers are the most common form of road kill. There is even a badger tunnel under the road to my village. Even this didn't make me feel they were the most common victims. Then, on my journey home from The Cowpers Oak quiz, there was a dead badger and a bit later two dead rabbits on the road. What are the chances? eh?

The other day I nearly fell off my bike when a squirrel ran between my wheels and then ran across my path. I wobbled. The squirrel got out of the way and disappeared into the hedgerow. I muttered rude words at it - after all, squirrels are only rats with PR. Cute as they are, they are annoying and vermin. Why I tried to avoid it and endanger myself, I'll never fathom. 

I even stopped along the canal towpath to have a conversation about a very bold fox that was standing there and totally unconcerned about the humans and dogs around it. It was at home and happy to be seen. It looked quite gorgeous and very much alive! Only momentarily did we consider foxes to be the answer. 

That wasn't the only question that set us on the road to failure. We thought Super Mario's first job was a plumber. We wiped out on that round and lost a potential 20 points because of that. Final score - we lost the quiz and £30 by half a point! How annoying is that? 

Despite our booboos in the quiz, I left smiling because I had yet another fun even with friends who make me laugh. They are also remarkable quizzers and only ocassionally do I come up with something original and unknown to the others. They are especially nice as they let me play with them. No murderous thoughts on my part there!

However, after a recent fun tournament at my local tennis club where you play with a different partner for each round, I ended up feeling like I had barely survived a round with Mike Tyson. I got to the final and lost. Made it home, collapsed on the sofa and then could hardly move! The other three finalists were at least 30 years younger than me. I bet their bodies didn't feel like mine did last Sunday. 

Being a glutton for punishment, I went to the pool and did 2.5km on the Monday after the tournament. It was a hair of the dog moment -  Kill or cure! 

Now I am at the point of needing a new fridge/freezer. The old one is close to death's door. It doesn't seal properly and the freezer has so much ice in it there is probably 30% of the space taken up. Argh. Marms, decisions, decisions. What should I do? Should I wait til it dies or get rid of it and choose one I really want?

I wish you were here to talk things over with.. I promise I won't discuss road kill too often. It is not a nice subject, is it? However, I took this picture as it reminded me of you - I won't say more!

Love you

xxx

Mid Summer gone already

 Dear Marmite

One thing is for sure, from now on the nights will be drawing in and we are heading for winter now that we have passed Midsummer's Day. That is a really depressing thought but I can't help thinking it now I am back in a country that has four seasons. I thought about cycling down to Midsummer Boulevard to see the sun rise again this year as a way to mark  this day. I also thought about dancing around the rocks in my garden, or at least dancing around the bedroom to welcome the rising sun but in the end I rolled over and went back to sleep and let the world pass me by.

I went to the doctors last week to find out why I had been coughing for over three weeks and suffering from having no voice. The answer - hayfever! That was a result I least expected but it does account for my feeling better and then worse again. The prescribed nasal spray has been a game changer but the cough medicine makes me feel like I am falling off the edge of a cliff about 20 minutes after I take it so I am not taking any more of that. 

Now I know I am not likely to spread germs, I am back swimming again. Oh the joy! I spend an hour ploughing up and down the lengths with no coughs and wheezes. It is a little haven where I don't sound like I have been smoking 40 a day for the last 40 years!

One of the big joys of retiring is going off on jaunts. That is what I did last week. Destination - Ely. This was a place I had never been to before and immediately I felt an affection for the place. I picked up Margy in Cambridge on the way and we met Peter, Karl and his mother, Sandra on the grounds of the cathedral. The sun was shining and all was well with the world. 

Outside 'Peter's' dream home!

The cathedral was founded in 673 but its current structure was started in Norman times and has had bits added onto it over the centuries. The reformation and  then Oliver Cromwell knocked it about a bit but over all it has retained an impressive magnificence. It has been used in TV dramas and films as a substitute for Westmisnster Abbey   - no better recomendation for it than that!

I also learnt that Ely got its name from an Anglo-Saxon word, "Eilig" which means island of eels. So knowing that where else could we eat but an Italian restaurant which served anything but eels. Actually, Marms, I have never eaten eels nor do I have any desire to try them.

Today is yet another sunny day so I am off for a bit of open water swimming. Box End is a bit far to cycle to so this one will be in the car. Meanwhile the railways are at a standstill - strikes. The country is in the grip of a recession and even working people need food banks. We need someone to get a grip and sort out the mess that is the UK. 

As for you, Marms, you live a a country with wonderful weather and everything runs smoothly. We could learn a thing or two from Singapore!

Love you

xxx

Trials and tribulations

 Dear Marmite

Not so different from Monty's!

Mostly my problems are first world problems so I shouldn't complain. In fact, I really don't have much to worry about at all. So, when I found myself running late to visit my friend in hospital, I got a bit niggly with how slowly the cars were exiting Tesco car park in Stevenage. Patience isn't a virtue I possess! 

Normally, and almost without exception drivers over here are polite and beyond the highway code there are unwritten rules about who goes first. Everyone understands them - or so I thought. Normally in a tailback every other car will be ushered to join the line from a side junction. People smile and nod or wave through their windscreens and so it goes. So when I tried to join the exit queue in such circumstances, three cars in the main line edged themselves forward so that there was absolutely no way I could get in. 

The funny thing was the lady wearing caterpillar eyelashes in the car ahead of me was so determined to keep me out, she shunted the car in front of her in her determination to get out of the car park 30 seconds sooner. That prang of course slowed her down, it blocked me and made the man in the car in front of her less than congenial - putting it mildly. I just hope she has learnt a good lesson as karma landed in her lap in bucket loads. YAY!

So with my box of recently purchased Maltesers, I set off a little late for The Lister - The last time I was there was for Sammi's op. It is his birthday today so I can tell exactly how long ago it was. Ann had had a wrestling match with a plant pot on her patio and the pot won. She broke her femur and now has a hip replacement. Nothing about the op went smoothly and she actually had two ops. So popping round for a quick visit with her favourite chocolates was the least I could do.

While I was there we discussed at length more first world problems like how do you bend down to get your knickers on after this sort of op. Apparently one of those grabbers that people use for litter picking is essential equipment. I reckon the "dead ant" technique of lying on the bed with your legs in the air might work. I know I had time to prepare for my knee ops and I thought of things like that before the event. Having an emergency operation doesn't allow for thinking time though. All in all. Ann is doing really well and is planning her escape.

I actually have a bit of a phobia about hospitals. I was lucky to be in a private hospital in Singapore and that is almost like a hotel. In an NHS hospital, the beds around you are full and some patients are not patient. The staff look stretched too. The lady across from Ann's bed wanted help almost constantly while I was there and nights are apparently not conducive to sleep either. Small mercies - Ann didn't have a rookery above her! As hospitals go The Lister isn't bad. Compared to my limited experience of MK, it looks almost five star.

So, for Ann life will be better once she gets out, I'm sure. As for Sammi, I get a nice reminder each year that Samuel Woolhead has a birthday on June 13th - as if I could forget? The only problem is that the email says that he is 3 years older than he really is. He has never needed to show ID so adding three years to his age seems a bit odd. There is me trying to knock years off my age! 

Over here we are having a heatwave. Almost everyone in the UK turns into a lobster look-a-like and bares far too much skin. I remember a summer in the mid 1970s when everything was parched for weeks. Compared to now, that was pretty mild. Climate change is a whole world problem - not a first world problem. We are lucky over here just as you are in Singapore. We can hide from the worst of it. I can water my plants so my garden blooms - no probs!

Hope you are doing well, Marms. I miss you as always

Love

XXX

Rats!

 Dear Marmite

As you well know, we have both been up front and close to these creatures. So you can imagine my horror and surprise while sitting on a very comfortable sofa, looking out on a very lovely garden in England when a not so little rat popped up on the lawn. Anticipating your deprecation, I'll tell you I shouted the bleeding obvious: "There's a rat!"

This not so little creature seemed at home in the garden and clearly had made a home under the wooden decking - probably with fifty of his closest relatives too. My friend Jane, jumped into action and before long rat poison had been inserted into every available hole around the decking. My exclamation really was a conversation stopper. 

We had been watching the birds come and go. Each time a larger bird arrived the smaller ones departed - they were clearly aware of a pecking order. The two pigeons had been attacking a bit of crusty bread when a seagull waddled in and swallowed the two -inch chunk of baguette whole. You could see it in its throat. 

Seagulls are greedy pests but they don't engender the same response from us as rats do! Yet it is common knowledge that we are never more than 10 meters from a rat. 

Definitely a cuddly creature worth celebrating

When I was on the West Highland Way with Sammi and Dylan, I pointed out to Dylan that the slight movement in the heather was most probably a haggis. I explained to him that the legs on their right side were considerably longer than those on the left as they only over ran round mountains in an anticlockwise direction. Dylan and Sammi were at a very low ebb at this time so the reason for our rest stop was to chivvy them both along. An old couple came past and asked after us. I said we had been haggis spotting. Without missing a heart beat, the old man said, "Och I, they are vicious little creatures too!" Wonderful! Dylan spent the rest of the holiday asking about them. He even checked out haggis on Mel's phone - there really are pictures of these elusive, hairy beasts yet they remain  so difficult to trap.

After the joy of Jubilee celebrations which I have to say were remarkably well done, we failed to get rid of Boris the Rat once again. He has wriggled out of yet another hole - the vote of no confidence -  and he lives to lie. Around the world, people look on the UK as a haven of justice and a hub for culture. I really believe, as a country, we market and  export ourselves incredibly well. Yet, we are a laundromat for the illegal gains from less than desirable regimes, we treat genuine asylum seekers inhumanely and have an embarrassing percentage of our own citizens living well below the poverty line. 

Our desire to splash out on a once-in-a-lifetime Platinum Jubilee is laudible yet we fail to sort any wrongs of our welfare system. This is almost as much of a paradox as the USA being pro-life but not curbing gun ownership so school children continued to be killed far too often. 

We truly do live in a very warped world. Sending you all my love. Tomorrow, the 9th, you are 15 and a 1/2 years old. Wow!!! You are doing better than the queen!

Love

XXX

My son ze murderer!

 Dear Marmite

I have just returned home and I am almost in one piece. My left heal has a blister the size of a saucer and I have lost my voice. My trip to Scotland with Sammi, Dylan and Lucky did not go without incident. In fact, I reckon I could dine out on the tales I could tell. Warning Marms... this is a long one!

Firstly, it was not me who even thought of Sammi as a murderer. On day 5 we reached Crianlarich Youth Hostel. This was our first night not under canvas and the place was full of rugged types with all the gear! Among them was a pleasant and not so rugged German guy- Dennis - his friends had left him there and continued on their way as he had hit a wall. I told him my tale. Sammi had promised me this holiday walking up the West Highland Way as a Christmas present and as it was also my birthday we chose this week. 

On cue, Sammi turned up. Dennis said to him, "Ach so you are ze murderer!". Unfortunately the police were at that time onto the case of someone who had gone missing  somewhere near the hostel so poor old Sam was thrown a little. Personally, considering my current condition, I reckon the description of my darling son isn't that far off. 

Love you, Sammi - really I do.

So where do I start? I met Sammi and Co at Glasgow Central and we set off for Milngavie - pronounced Mull Guy on a train. That was  an easy and very pleasant trip. There Sam bought doughnuts from Greggs and so we set off walking - everyone was chirpy. The sun was shining and all was good. 

Along the way, Dylan started to lag and moan. He is 10 years old and carrying a big rucksack. I thought it was going to be too much for him. We plodded slowly along a path in the middle of nowhere. THEN... at one of the rest points he threw up. Nothing can describe the quantity of stuff that erupted forth. Let's just say it was impressive and widespread. Not long after, Sammi threw up with equal vigour.

From then on there seemed to be a competition as to who could barff the most. We trundled on slowly putting one foot in front of the other between sick stops. I knew we weren't going to make it to our first stop by nightfall. We reserved a campsite that wouldn't take dogs and then couldn't get a taxi to come out to where we were. Our options were limited. So our first night of wild campimg happened in a patch of ground under a rookery. Not ideal but it really was a necessity.

Sammi had brought two tents but we only put one of them up the first night. Four of us shared a VERY small tent and two occuptants continued to be sick while Lucky snored. Outside the rooks shouted loudly at each other. One of them kept saying, "Mum" while another called out for "Gareth" all night. Sleep quality  on night one was non-existent. 

Next morning and not totally refreshed we set off for Drymen. We had breakfast in a lovely little cafe while Dylan slept across two dining chairs. Energy levels were low. We didn't eat the night before and both lads were still not quite 100%. Outside there was a driving wind and it was raining. We took up plan B - A bus to Balmaha and then a ferry to catch up on lost walking time. 

Plan B was only half good. The ferry timetable and the arrival of said ferries didn't match so we started the Loch Lomond stretch of the journey rather late in the afternoon. We found a real campsite - pitched two tents - one without a working zip! and survived a night in a squall. By this time everyone was feeling much improved and more bouncy. 

Onward and upward -  now one tent lighter, we carried on along the bonnie banks of Loch Lomond (I won't burst into song, promise), did bits of wild camping usually in really bad weather and met a really lovely lady, Mel -from Germany - who joined our merry little throng. Sammi carried my backpack and Dylan turned into Mr Dynamo. At one camp, I went for a refreshing swim in the Loch.

When we were resting at the top of a very steep bit, loads of people trudged along behind and overtook us. Everyone has a bit to say to complete strangers on the walk- they'll say where they are off too or how far they have come. There is a lot of camaraderie along the trail.  One man was struggling a bit so I gave him encouragement from my comfy rock seat. I told him he was looking good... he called me a liar! - bloody cheek. I personally thought he was doing well as by that time my sciatica was beginning to kick in. By the time we got to the pub, he was there and in much happier spirits. Again, people in pubs all talk to each other - wonderful. Meanwhile Lucky had turned into the trail tart. Everyone gave him a cuddle or a tickle. That could have been you, Marms!

We sheltered in a lovely little bothy with a couple from the Netherlands and Mel while the rain battered the land one afternoon. Sammi made coffee and we played Polish Poker and spoons! All was well with the world. The sun came out. Mel left and Dylan set off just after. I didn't want him out of my sight so I followed him. It wasn't long before I realised he wasn't ahead of me. Sam's phone was turned off. Dylan was missing and I was worried. Sammi and Lucky caught up with me. Sammi was convinced Dylan was ahead. 

We met a French man who said he hadn't seen a little boy. Sammi dumped his bag and ran back to the bothy post haste. Just as he got there, Dylan was on the phone to Sam's girlfriend. From St Andrews, she had pinpointed the the actual spot where the bothy was and the Dutch couple were still there to keep him comfortable. He hadn't set off on the trail. He had gone outside to play. He got back to the bothy to find us gone. Poor thing!

I think he showed real presence of mind to stay calm and contact someone who could help. He realised Sam's phone was off and he didn't panic. Pretty good for a young boy!

We were much slower than planned. By this time, I had got a blister as well. So to make up time and rest my weary leg we actually managed to get a ferry to Tarbet on the far shore. Then the bus refused to take dogs so Sammi stayed while Dylan and I headed off for Crianlarich on a bus with a grumpy driver. Just as the bus pulled out, I realised I had Sammi's wallet... argh. I thought I wouldn't see him again - ever. Not to worry - he got a train, didn't pay but had a fellow passenger lined up ready to pay for him anyway.  

We set off for Tyndrum after a night in the hostel - me in flip flops - to protect the blister on my heel. The last campsite was lovely and to keep the joy of camping going, Mel joined us for our last night together in our tent playing cards! She set off for Fort William the next day and will be meeting Sammi and large gang of extras there about now as I write this.

With train strikes, I was worried that I wouldn't be getting back to Glasgow for my connection. Two trains from Drymen had already been cancelled that day. What relief I felt getting on the train and then the two hour plus trip went by in a twinkling because the three of us played cards.

So I spent my birthday quietly worrying about whether Scotsrail would get it together for me. Meanwhile, so many people from all over the place sent birthday wishes. I think that is the nicest thing about FB. Probably because of my algorithms, I don't any nasty stuff come onto my page. I never read further than the top three entries either. What is more, it helps me to stay in touch with you, Marms.

I spent a holiday with three of the loveliest souls around. Thanks guys... ready for my next adventure.. nearly.

Love and hugs

XXX

Very nearly another year older - but not quite!

 Dear Marmite

I know that you caught up with me and overtook me in years quite some time ago but something I am sure of is that we share the same aches and pains. This year I am turning into a Beatles song and really does make me an old dear! Let's hope someone still needs me - according to the lyrics, that is.

But before I give up the ghost, roll over and play dead, I am off on a pre-planned jaunt up the West Highland Way tomorrow. I am usually the planner / organiser but this time it is Sammi who is in charge of everything. I am really excited. He even has my old compass that I had when I was 16 and to think it is still useful all those years later. Of course Lucky will be in tow, as will Dylan so I should be alright for piggybacks when the legs grow weary.

I played a mini- tennis tournament in glorious sunshine this morning - fingers crossed this warm weather follows me up to Scotland. Now I am pottering around and sorting out my bag for the trip remembering that we can have four seasons in one day and not wanting to be overloaded either - tricky one.

I had a marvellous, quite sedate, trip along the Grand Union Canal in an Electric narrow boat called Electra. That was last Thursday.  It was a outing planned by the Community Orchard where I help out. Just like today, the weather was perfect, light breeze - blue skies - and lots of warm sun. We set off from Campbell Warf and headed north. In the cabin there was children's Eye Spy sheet for entertainment which I couldn't resist doing while having an Electra craft beer made by the Concrete Cow Brewery. 

The people at the Orchard are lovely so that only added to the joy of the trip. The boat's skipper cum waiter cum cabin steward cum entertainer knew some of our number as well. My afternoon out reminds me of a song from Grease.... I am turning musical in my dotage!! 

So Don't Stop Me Now - I'm having a good time - I'm having a ball.

Love

XXX