A misquote from Samuel Johnson

 Dear Marmite

It has been over a week since I last wrote to you. I am sure you must be in fine fettle and still enjoying life at its gentle pace. Over here I have been busy but I am not too sure what has taken up my time. The hours morph into days and the days into weeks and all I can think about is how the weather has turned.

As August turned into September we had glorious sun and summer warmth but now that September is turning to October there is a permanent chill in the air and we have had a few very miserable days. It is all we Brits seem to talk about. Even my English friends in France have weather on their mind. So it is not only English gentlemen that discuss whether the weather be hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm - women do it too.

Whatever the weather, I still go out on my bike. The other day I was nearly blown off it. Pedalling into a high wind was hell. I was well and truly puffed out and all this on top of my daily dip in the pool to boot. In contrast, I went for a two-hour jaunt around the villages with Nasser yesrterday and it was like a summer day when you were not shadowed by trees. 

We are also over the Equinox and that means the days are getting shorter. It isn't quite like Singapore where the sun goes down and it is instantly dark, there is a twilight period so when the sun goes down around 7pm it really does start to get dark around 6:15 and I really do feel that winter is just around the corner - brrrrrrrr.

There is one thing that I do miss from the old days in Britain. That is the weather forecast on tele. Michael Fish, the presenter, wove a tale of fiction about what we could all expect weatherwise the following day. The forecast became as much a part of conversation as the actual weather in those days. 

He even made it as a worldwide celebrity in October 1987 when he said that England was not going to experience a hurricane and then we had a storm that was in effect a hurricane. I wasn't even in the country then. I was living in a part of the world that has a hurricane season. Michael Fish's fame made it to The Bahamas. For a humble weatherman, that is some feat. 

Anyway. the autumn sun is out today and it really does fill me with joy to see it. I think with all my time living away from this misty Isle, I have taken the sun for granted. Now my home is England, I promise never to do so again. 

Despite your very thick, silky fur coat appreciate what you have with Rita in a lovely warm country. 

Take care, Marms... I miss you every single day

Love

XXX

It doesn't add up

 Dear Marmite,

I am seriously concerned. I think my mind is failing me. There are a number of reasons for this and this morning was just one example. I went to the pool to do a 2.5km continuous swim. That is 100 lengths. When I finished my watch said that I had done 3.1km. Now I thought I was counting the 50 laps quite methodically but obviously my mind wasn't on the job. It just didn't add up.

My Chinese friend, Carol, once told me I was good at maths for someone who is not Chinese! That was a compliment. Now I can't count to 50 accurately. This has worried me so I asked Danielle if she thought I was having early onset dementia. 

She looked it up on Google and said there were 10 signs to look out for. However, when she was reading only two were mentioned. One of the signs is when you put things in odd places and forget where you have put them. I like to think of this as a kettle in the fridge moment and I can't remember ever doing this. That doesn't mean that I have never done it though and in itself that could be worrying. 

Marms, in human years you are heading for 100 and so are considerably older than I am. Apart from looking for the most comfortable place to snooze, what else do you think about these days? I expect all your whims and desires are met when you nudge Rita with your paw. There probably is very little to worry about in your life. Do dogs get dementia, by the way?

I am also in the market for a gun. I think this has become quite a popular acquisition as anybody with a gun can say they are grouse shooting ( sorry Margy!  - I won't aim at you). If one has a gun, they can gather in groups larger than 6 in the UK. I reckon a gun for me is especially necessary as my mathematical skills are failing me in my dotage. Perhaps a deerstalker and plus fours would add a bit of authenticity to my excuse! Any thoughts?

I went with Danielle for her 20 week scan last Tuesday. Besides seeing my future grandchild doing somersaults. I was impressed at how much clearer scans are than they were in my day. We are only talking a quarter of a century here and I remember very clearly what prenatal care was like then and how primitive it would seem compared to now.

The bump has a name now. Danielle thinks she is having a boy and I think she is having a girl. I was wrong with every one of my children so it will probably be Billy Bump and not Billie Bump. To celebrate, Richard and I had a bottle of Billy Bosch - a South African white! 

I will have to remind myself not to drop Billie Bump on its head when I have to look after it, or for that matter, forget where I put it down. I thought retirment was going to be easy. Now I am not so sure!

Missing you as always.

Hugs and stuff

Love

XXX

Granny with Goggles

 Dear Marmite

Team Marmite!

I am back in the swim. This is not quite like our swims across Tanjong Beach on Sentosa, or even the little trips across to the small man-made island and back. As much as you used to love a trip to the beach, this is different. This swimming is going up and down the length of an indoor pool for just over an hour. I know you wouldn't last the course. I am sure you could not imagine what this type of swimming is like either.

Our swim at the Beach

Let me try to explain. First of all, because of COVID I have to have a membership to the Sports Centre so that I can book a slot to swim. Places are limited so this involves a bit of planning. I can't pop round to the pool on a whim. I book early morning slots - as you know, I am an extreme Lark in that respect. 

So with a coffee inside me for fuel, I walk the 200 odd meters to the pool, programme my watch to the swimming activity and set off. I have been doing this since the end of July and through August I did enough lengths to get me across the English Channel. My aim for September is to swim a marathon and I am well on my way already. Doing about 2.5km a session adds up.

The lane swimming at the pool is organised so that the fast swimmers head for the lanes on the left and the plodders have about a third of the pool on the right to do circuits. Over time, I have realised that it is my demographic that inhabits the righthand side of the pool. They drift along with their heads high and remarkably keep their hairstyles in tact. Some even wear goggles but never dip their faces near the water. 

The people I share my swim with are usually youngish men. So as a Granny with goggles I set demands on myself to swim as fast as I can. Today I managed to get a sweat up chasing a rather nice young man up and down the lengths.  I am also getting to know a few people well enough to pass the time of day with and the staff who work at the place are really very nice.

What swimming does to me!

In the course of a swim I come across more than 6 people - the new limit for meeting people except if you are in a classroom, at a funeral or a wedding. I have discussed this with a friend and we are thinking of having a "wedding" celebration just so that we don't get into trouble for meeting up with more than 6 people. 

The newspapers say that experts are predicting a difficult winter with COVID and Boris might even have to cancel Christmas! These same experts must also believe that the virus is less virulent at weddings, funerals and in classrooms because more people are allowed to gather in these places. It is clearly a very selective strain that makes it safe to eat out in a pub near strangers but not to share space with close friends.  Faith in the pronouncements of the PM diminished to zero this Dominic's comings and goings yet this man is still in a job. What can I say?

I bemoan the size of my little world. This extends to a pub quiz, food parcel deliveries, doing the Community Orchard gardening, swimming and shopping for food. I know that when I think about my life in Singapore, it is the wonderful people who I count as friends that I miss. Marmite, it is you I miss most.

I don't have that friendship group here in MK. I also know that the life I had in Singapore is no longer what it was. For many of my friends, their time in Singapore is also running out. The place I worked for is shrinking too. Thank goodness for modern technology that keeps me connected to a big world beyond. 

It was lovely being vicariously part of Team Marmite last Saturday! You, Marms were in your element surrounded by old friends.

The Brains of Britain.

 Dear Marmite

I have resurrected Blind Bambi. That is the quiz team I was part of in Singapore. It even survived the Lockdown Trouble Brewing zoom quizzes from Singapore with me participating internationally. Sadly the quiz master at the local pub didn't understand that Bambi is a deer and it can't see so it is a NO EYE  DEER. The team over here is much diminished too. In fact, it was just Danielle and myself. 

We set off for the pub in Bletchley last Thursday. I was excited as I went there the week before, joined a team and we won. Anyway, with a heart full of hope, Danielle and I settled down to a drink before things got under way and chatted with a few others in the pub - its a nice atmosphere but apparently much quieter these days. 

Our main opposition were a group of lads in their 20s and 30s who had their table jam packed with beers. As their tongues were well oiled, they heckled the quiz master in a funny, nice sort of way all through the quiz. 

At the end of the quiz, we swap marking sheets before we are given the answers. There were six of them and for every question they got right they celebrated loud and proud. There was just the two of us and we beat them. We just celebrated at the end. YAY! 

They were surprised they had lost. They said that they had one of the team using google. For me, I am slightly ashamed I didn't believe Danielle knew the answer to a couple of questions - she didn't sound convincing. At least I have learnt the colours of the Ukraine flag from her so it was a very worthwhile evening and we got the cash prize to boot. I'll make a quizzer out of her yet.

One of the lads wanted my phone number for future quizzes and other benefits  - his words -  and they asked Danielle if the father was still around! They also complained that we had cheated because she was on lemonade and sober. I can't wait for the rematch. I even watched a couple of episodes of The Chase as a practice for forthcoming quizzes! 

I visited the Canal Museum at Stoke Bruene which is not far from where I live. The actual museum is closed but a volunteer stood outside the building by the canal to talk about a few of the items. I am particularly taken with the art work and how it possibly became so ubiquitous. The surrounding area is idyllic and well worth the trip.

I wasn't quite the brains of Britain the other day. I set off from home and about two hundred meters into my journey I was stopped for speeding. I thought it was a 40 mph area and it is a 30. I was doing 38. Whoopsie. Even my car dashboard says that part of the road is 40 but you can't argue with a man with a gun and a flourescent jacket. 

My trip to  the grave in LB and Dunstable Downs after the speeding incident.. I travelled very slowly!

I am going to be re-educated in the ways of the English Highways and By-ways. At least it won't be like some regimes where people got sent for months tilling the soil to make them better citizens. I have heard the course is not particularly interesting but it is better than losing points! 

I know you are oh so smart, Marms. You are not like me. 

I do miss you. 

Love

XXX

The Whole World is Barking Mad

 Dear Marmite

You are in the ascendency! The whole world really is barking mad. I have just about recovered from the COVID shock while at the same time bigger and worse things have fallen apart around me. In contrast, I am sane. 

Let's start with Gav! Why wasn't he sacked? Has Boris got such bad judgement or is it part of a wider plan to see which member of the cabinet can piss the largest sector of the population off. There is some competition too -  Dominic's comings and goings; Gavin Williamson's exam debacle ruining the lives of young people; Matt Hancock's failure to do anything well with the NHS; and now Dido Harding is heading up a new department after cocking up the test and trace app. Even Rishi gave money to people who already had it (in some cases). Boris from the film, Snatch, couldn't have made a bigger balls up. 

There is a trickle down effect that taints everyone with a degree of stupidity. I'll give you an example - Call Centres. You phone a call centre and wait for 30 minutes to speak to someone with a strong regional accent who addresses you as "pet".  The banal music that plays while you wait is interspersed with a woman's voice telling you that your call is important to her. Has it happened to you?

I have an on-running issue with the new French windows fitted by Safestyle last February and because of lockdown this has become even more frustrating. We were due for a call out on Friday but on Thursday I got an sms to cancel it. It had been arranged for 2nd October. Sometimes the doors are hard to lock and they are the only way into the back garden. Obviously, they get used. We can't live in this house without going into the garden. 

I told Nigel Twat from the call centre that my call was very important to him and I was very angry that my appointment had been cancelled without explanation. I also told him how long I had to wait to speak to him. He said he was sorry but I knew he didn't mean it. He should have had training in sounding sincere.

I told him that his company should have more people employed to man phones. He said it was COVID. We have been in this situation for 5 months. If large companies haven't come up with a better solution to their working practices by now they deserve to go under. To be honest we didn't get off on a good footing. He told me not to use the doors until October. I told him to provide a ladder so we could climb over the back fence. To cut a long story short - I have an appointment for Monday... not in October. Why do things have to be so difficult?

I have also discovered that my new swimming regime is making me fat. My watch says I am burning over 800 calories a dip and I swim 3 times a week. Yet, when I get dressed, I struggle to get my clothes on. One day last week I forgot my towel. It is the towel that Kevin gave me as part of my leaving present. It is brightly coloured and not something anyone would not notice. Swimming is also affecting my organisation skills. Maybe I should try something that will help me lose wait and develop my brain a bit more.

I went to Bletchley Park Museum yesterday - an amazing place. It was the birthplace of the modern computer and for most people who lived locally, it was a place of mystery during the war. The place was chosen to as an intelligence hub for its position in relation to Oxford and Cambridge and for its rail link to London. I think it would have been rather fun spending your working day doing puzzles to find out what the enemy were up to.

On the home front it is fruit picking time. I have been out with my colunder to pick blackberries most days and this week at the Community Orchard we picked plums and apples. I have a bowl full and have already made an apple and plum cobbler. Perhaps not everyone is barking mad after all.

Singapore is a place of sanity... People like Boris and Nigel Twat wouldn't survive. Think yourself lucky Marms. You are in a good place, to be sure. Even the weather is better.

Love you as always,

XXX

Calamities caused by COVID

 Dear Marmite

This week so far has been very topsy turvy. It started off on Sunday afternoon with Sammi arriving with Lucky and a bike. They came up from Brighton on a train and I picked up my urchin son with accompanying clutter from Milton Keynes Central later on Sunday evening than expected because of train cancellations. 

Lucky is still here but Sammi is off in Cambridge for an over-nighter. That means that there are two dogs filling up the house at the moment. The only problem so far has been that one dog, maybe both stole two cooked chicken joints from the kitchen counter top. I have no idea who to blame. Both seem contrite so we'll have to forgive them their foolish ways.

On Tuesday I took Sammi to the Community Orchard. We were busy clearing weeds from one of the allotment beds when Sammi took a call from Richard. He had bad news. All I heard from Sammi was "shit", "no", "Oh my God" and "f**k". I thought something had happened to Shadow. 

It was worse. Far worse. His work had done a spot coronavirus blood test and it came out positive. With Richard positive and four of us under one roof that phone call became a defining moment in our week. We downed tools, told everyone at the Orchard that we had been in close contact with someone who had tested positive. We left. 

At home I spent well over an hour telling everyone who I had been in contact with that I had been in contact with someone who had tested positive. Danielle who is four months pregnant booked a drive-through test and I emailed online for tests for Sammi and myself. 

Meanwhile, Richard hid up in the bedroom, we cleared Sammi's bedding out of the spare room and put Danielle in there. Sam was relegated to the futon sofa in the living room. Sammi would have to stay with us for 2 weeks. That was clear. We all isolated ourselves in separate rooms. 

I felt fine. i kept thinking about my body hurting with symptoms but felt nothing untoward. The whole dymanics in the household changed. Richard felt guilty but it wasn't really his fault. Periodically, we offered him tea and sent food to the nether regions of the house. I disinfected every handle and every surface. No stone was left unturned. 

Richard wanted a second opinion so he booked a drive-through test, hopped in his car and disappeared. Sammi and I awaited the delivery of our kits. Suffice to say. Yesterday morning, 24 hours after our lives had been sent way out of kilter, Danielle's results came back. She was negative. Then Richard's came back. He too is negative. It was a false alarm. A bloody great blip in our lives though and not one easily forgotten.

All this still meant an enforced week off work. Danielle had to leave work as she is with vulnerable people. I cancelled plans for the week ahead. These included having a smart meter fitted. The first appointment for that was 29th April and that had been cancelled because of lockdown. I cancelled my swims and told the pool when I was last in the water. Disaster - I now had to reverse as many of the cancellations as I could. Sammi had thought he couldn't travel home.

To celebrate; Sammi, Danielle and Richared went for a walk by the canal and River Ouse. They went swimming in the river with the dogs. Later I cycled to meet them at the local pub and we drank a few rounds and continued to celebrate our relief and reprieve. 

When we got back, the testing kits for Sammi and I had arrived but by this point it didn't seem necessary for us to do the tests and waste anyone's time. Instead, after a couple of pints Sammi and I continued the chess challenge which I am happy to report I am now 5-3 up. Once more normality is back and I am winning!

So as you see Marms, it has been a feeding fest for resident dogs while everyone in the house has been through their own personal terror. I can't call it torture for obvious reasons. We have pulled through and we are fit to face the world.

I imagine you might have observed all this from a safe distance and wondered what the fuss was. 

You are still the love of my life.

XXX

Happy National Day, Singapore

 Dear Marmite,

It is about 9:30am here but I expect in Singapore the 55th birthday celebrations for Singapore are in full swing. I know it won't be quite like previous years but as with all things, Singapore has adjisted well to the new normal and parades are destined for the heartlands. There could be one near you.

Over here it is another normal Sunday with the exception that Sammi will be here later. The room is ready and for the next few days, I will be vegan too! Nasser has his family with him. His brother has organised a "holiday" let around the corner from me. That house is vacant as it is in the process of being sold. For the time being, this is the party venue in the neighbourhood. The evenings are barmy so I pop round for coffee and sheesha ( my Sheesha!). The times they are a-changing!

Food parcel delivery for SOFEA has now ended so I am now doing King's food parcels on Thursdays. The round is the same as the Tuesday round so I see the same faces. The system is very different. Each person gets three very heavy plastic bags of processed food in cans and packets. These are packed into a crate. My car only takes 10 crates but the round is for 25 crates. That is a lot of very heavy bags and three trips.

I don't baulk at many things but I really felt the mountain of a task was too much. I took the first car load and delivered the first bags to a man who was just out of prison and he is in a house with no furniture at all.  I knew him from the previous rounds so I asked if he could help. He hopped in the car. I gave him a killer mask and off we went. He was lovely. I couldn't have done it without him and he said he had enjoyed himself too. I am sure he doesn't really appreciate just how many people he helped that morning - especially me.

Nasser gets his food from King's. We normally cycle round and load the bike basket and rucksacks up. Then we wobble home. Last week he went without me to pick up the stuff. They gave him some fresh produce donated from the allotments for me. Apparently not many people appreciate really fresh stuff and I don't like to see it go to waste. So I am a recipient of food help in my dotage!

I also went back to help at the Community Orchard on Tuesday. The trees are heavily laden with fruit. Damsons, Victorias, Bramleys, Cox's and cherries. What I need is a ladder and a walking stick. By September they will be past their best they so need picking. Needless to say. I picked a few reachable ones and stewed them with ginger and rhubarb. Richard offered to turn it into a cobbler. I then picked some blackberries from the lane just by the house and in a blink of an eye we had a dessert beyond imagination. I am off to get some more blackberries this morning for dessert mark ll.

On the subject of feeding and being fed. I have discovered the little blighters that have eaten my brocolli. I don't like caterpillars but they turn into butterflies so I won't kill them despite their avid feeding. They can't be hungry catepillars considering how much damage they have done. eeerrrrrgh.

Another hot day awaits thanks to corporate greed causing our climate crisis. When the suns shines gloriously in Britain we forget that this is because our world is dying because we don't love it enough to care for it. It should not be a cause for celebration that we have had the hottest day on record this week. We should mourn.

Love you, you old dog! 

Love 

XXX