Playing silly buggers...

 Dear Marmite

As my life slips by there are a few days that stick out as being really funny or really special. The special moments over the past few days have been made so because of the joy of having others around. After Margy and Susan left, Vandana came for a couple of days and then Binny and Ana visited. This weekend yet another friend will be here so no doubt we will pass our time laughing about the past. Ezra-Mae, on the other hand, mostly laughs at me.

When I chose my current home I wondered whether it really would be a forever place. It is slowly taking shape as I put my mark on it and today the livingroom and kitchen floor will be replaced. This is the biggest thing I have done so far. In times of COVID with supply chain issues and problems getting a workmen because the good ones are so so busy, I see this as a coup. 

I actually went on a reconnaisance to see what was available and to set a budget for a future buy. I expected to have a wait for delivery somewhere in the region of 12 weeks as that seems to be standard. It was four days and the delivery person was a woman who carried two packs at a time to my garden. I then took one pack at a time and stored them in my bathroom ready for the fitting. What an amazing woman she was - very professional and friendly - as good as any man. 

I have moved all moveable things downstairs now in readiness for the work to be done and I expect the workmen to arrive any time at all. I am currently sitting in a big echoey cavern watching the wind blow leaves off my tree as the day slowly dawns. When the workmen are here, I'll spend my time sorting out yet another flat tyre. I am getting good at that!

The most ridicuous, funny and memorable moment of this week was the Wednesday social at my tennis club. I turned up along with other players and none of us had a key to get into the clubhouse to turn the lights on. So at 6pm it was close to being dark and almost impossible to see the ball. Undaunted, I warmed up with Gareth who I actually couldn't see when he moved back to the base line. We weren't the only daft ones!

The ball was only visible as it bounced. It was very difficult to keep a rally going when you can't see more than a couple of yards.  One of the players brought their car round and put the headlights on. Much better lightwise for me but for the players facing the car, they were literally blinded by the light! That idea was abandoned and we played on. Eventually someone turned up who had the vital key and play went on as if we hadn't played for 30 minutes in almost total darkness shouting at each other. 

Tennis here in the UK is so different to my experience in Singapore. We play in high winds, spitting rain, bright sun, dark cloud and now pitch darkness - but rarely ideal conditions. I wear warm clothes and slowly take them off as I warm up. The players at the club are lovely and that makes all the downsides of playing here worthwhile.

In the swimming pool over half term, I saw a man playing Marco Polo with his sons and pretending he couldn't here them so moved off in the wrong direction. I reckon I will suggest that type of game when playing tennis in the dark. At least it will give a warning when the ball is about to arrive. I think it could catch on.

So, as you see Marms, life is busy - I even have found time for doing pub quizzes. We won last night. Yay!! 

I still find time to miss you though.

Love

XXX

A bit of a gap

 Dear Marmite

It is over a week since I wrote to you. That is partly because I have had guests -orginally from Singapore- to stay. People you know! It was lovely catching up and talking about Singapore and about you too. So, as you see, I haven't entirely forgotten you. 

My friends were kind enough to accept my place as it is or were polite about the state of the power shower and the heating system not to moan. My home is still a work in progress and a little help from some expert tradesmen would move things on faster. My heating system could be better. I have checked out how to bleed radiators and the ones I have done are certainly better. I lack the tools to do them all so that is the next trip to B&Q planned. 

I have painted three bedrooms and plan to do the hallway next, starting downstairs. I now realise how much energy COVID took out of me when I painted my bedroom while suffering. The other two were a doddle by comparison. Anyway, I digress... back to telling you about my friends.

Margy came over from Cambridge on a bus to Milton Keynes. Public transport over here is both expensive and unreliable. One of her connections didn't run so she needed to wait half an hour for the next one. This would be unheard of in Singapore. 

Susan came by train. This wasn't a problem fortunately - no excuses for delayed trains on this ocassion, at least. We must await future developments of things like having the wrong type of leaves on the line as winter approaches and drivers going AWOL. 

I think our expectations of public transport over here are so low that we expect to hear the odd bizarre anouncement. Not only is it unreliable, it is also quite expensive. This brings to mind how little we are doing to reduce carbon emissions... investing in cheap, reliable transport systems could be a good start. I certainly couldn't exist without a car, especially as I have just got my umpteenth flat on my bike - errgh.

I recently experienced weather when driving locally that actually scared me. The rain came down so hard it was like being in a carwash. The wind blew across the road like a hurricane and for a short while I really couldn't see the bonnet of my car, leave alone the road. It was worse than a downpour in Singapore - much worse, and that is saying something. Had I had been on my bike God knows what my fate would have been.

Margy, Susan and I went for a trip to Bletchley Park. It is an amazing place and even more amazing for the fact that 9000 people worked there at the peak and nobody in the community were really sure what went on inside the brick huts. It is the home of the first computer - Colloseus. My grandson. Dylan reckoned I would have got a job there because I do crosswords every day but I'm not so sure they needed people who could do the Guardian Quickie.

You will be pleased to know that M&S have set another date for me to expect a replacement cushion cover. They have also said they will offer me £50 of vouchers and £100 compensation. This, I have not agreed to. I have told them that the last place I will actually shop is their shop so how would them giving me vouchers compensate me. Watch this space for further twattery. I continue to imagine what else they could possibly do. 

I am sure, Marms, your thoughts about M&S dealing with me must be similar to mine. I have told you so much of the silly things they have done, it is a soap opera! 

Sending you all my love...

XXX

Yet more unbelievable incompetence...

 Dear Marms,

First of all, before I vent over bloody M&S once more, I am sure you helped Rita celebrate her birthday in style. I expect you had a bit of birthday cake and a lot of hugs on that day too. 

Each day over here is pretty unremarkable apart from the continuing saga with Marks and Sparks. The day I waited for the cushion cover to arrive ended like a damp squib. I waited at home all day, no swimming. no cycling - nothing! The cushion arrived at Danielle's house at about 5pm. It was dumped there and there was no accompanying person to fit it personally, as promised. Another wasted day.

I picked it up the following day and guess what, Marms, it was the wrong style. The replacement cushion for the one that has a flaw on it had piping. Errrrrgh, I thought. Only bloody Marks and Sparks to prolong the agony of sorting out my sofa issues. Then I thought; I'll have to phone up the customer service people and speak to one of their many incomptetent twats who will do sweet FA and say in the most insincere of tones that they DO APOLOGISE.. I have now got into the habit of saying that if they were truly sorry, they would have sorted out my problems well before now.

One of the customer service staff didn't have the faintest understanding what piping was. I asked to speak to someone who might have a bit more product knowledge. He said I could have told him the cushion had beading! What? WOOD? NO!!. DICKHEAD!!

I sent photos of the offending replacement cushion cover that had the cloth equivalent of beading on it and now have been promised a new one urgently. Perhaps M&S might find it easier to match a new sofa with the replacement cover - now there's a thought.

I spent an hour and fifteen minutes on the phone on hold waiting to speak to a manager. I drove to the tennis club with LES MIS overture playing while I was on hold. Is there an irony here? So there I was at the tennis club among players waiting to get on court and parents waiting to pick up their kids. 

I told them the sorry tale. They laughed and, more notably, were shocked that this bastion of British commerce could be so crappy. I reckon the more people who hear about how bad M&S are the less custom they'll get. I learnt once that good customer service is taken for granted but bad customer service reports spread like disease. One complaint told to one person spreads to at least 12 others. I think this could be my mission. 

On a happy note, Dylan and Reef came for the day. We went walking along a bridleway and then the canal. Living in such a quiet place means there are beautiful places right on my doorstep. We also played Abalone - a strategy game that Dylan is getting too good at. 

So, Marmite, I must sign off and send you my love. I have some practicing to do! I can't be beaten by a 9 year old - surely.

Love You

XXX

My fury knows no bounds

 Dear Marmite

I need to get this off my chest. Inside me there is a Green Hulk close to bursting out of my skin. Marks and Sparks surpass themselves with every communication I have had over my sofa. Today, I have waited all day for a delivery of a replacement cushion that I was told would be personally fitted. Once more they went the extra mile to irk and annoy!

The appointment in my diary meant I couldn't pop off for a swim and there had been no two hour time slot for me to work around either. I was prepared for this. I am totally aware of how useless that shop is.. I decided today was the day I would paint the small bedroom. At least I would be doing something useful.

In the end, it wouldn't have mattered if I had gone out or not. They dumped the parcel at Danielle's place. I phoned them up in anger, waited relatively patiently while I was put on hold to irritating elevator music for far too long because the robot couldn't understand me. I speak pretty standard English for God's sake!! What sort of accent does it like? 

When I finally got through to a girl with a thick Scouse accent I wondered whether the M&S robot would have picked up what she was saying more easily than it did me. I digress. I was told it was my fault that I hadn't updated my delivery address. I pointed out they managed to dump the sofa in the right garden so how was I to know they had conveniently forgotten this. TWATS!!

The customer service girl managed to enrage me more by saying she apologised. I told her she wasn't placating me. I had come to the end of my patience and I wasn't going to be mollified by her insincerity. 

The upshot... a manager will contact me within 72 hours. Watch this space Marmite... I might turn green and explode. 

On a lighter note, Danielle has met your doppleganger at the local recreation ground. His name is Max and for all the world he looks just like you do. How cool is that? There are two beautifully handsome rotties roaming this Earth. 

Marms, thank you for listening to me. I really do feel aggrieved at my treatment from bloody twats at M&S. My next problem is, where do I buy my undies from now I have vowed never to shop there again?

Love you!!

XXX

Another Omnishambles

 Dear Marmite

I pleased to announce I behaved myself while I tested positive for COVID and was allowed to leave isolation last Sunday. I have to say I quite enjoyed the enforced calm and made the most of it painting my bedroom. It is nearly finiished and now I need an electrician to change some sockets and the light. Once that is done, room number one will be finished. 

I am also a little lighter as a result of not being able to eat. That can only be good news. The worst part was not wanting to drink coffee. This has been a habit of mine for as long as I can remember so I felt a bit lost on that score. Now things are back to normal on that front. I have a full set of taste buds once more.

I still have a cough which isn't too bad. I got some Pei Pa Koa from Amazon. In fact, I got two bottles just in case. This is magical cough medicine that I used to get in Singapore. It tastes so nice it is almost worth having a cough to have an excuse to take it. 

All in all, my little existence isn't too bad. It is all the things that are happening around me that prove that Britain is sinking under the weight of total incompetence. We have petrol shortages. The shelves of the supermarket are under-stocked and prices seem to be higher each time I shop. 

The other day, I drove to another part of Milton Keynes to fill up my car as a friend told me that there had just been a delivery at Bletchley Tesco. I set off on an empty tank and did the last 3 miles on empty. It is a miracle I even got onto the forecourt of the garage. What strange times when the TOM TOMS send messages to let people know where the petrol is.

Way back in the 1970s we lived through a 3-day week, blackouts and continuous striking. I can imagine we are heading for another winter of discontent. Energy prices have gone through the roof already. I am fortunate. I don't have to make decisions between food and heating like many will.

As of today I can tell you what it means to me. I have put plans to travel to visit friends on hold. It seems cherlish to drive around for my pleasure when there are people who need to get around for their livelihood. I normally cycle to the pool and to local places so short journeys won't be affected. 

So as you can see, Marms, you are in a better place. Even Shadow baulked at going out in the rain the other day. It is much colder and wetter over here. You wouldn't like it either.

Sending you hugs from a long way away.

Love you as always

XXX

The Anatomy of Covid

 Dear Marmite

Covid has struck. I am a number - just one of the 30,000 plus cases that the UK records every day. I am hardly part of an exclusive group yet I am bombarded with NHS messages, emails, and phone calls. The NHS has invested widely in making my life more miserable than it could possibly be. Fortunately I am not too ill, just too infectious to go out.

Let me begin at the beginning. I was out and about all over the place on Wednesday and missed lunch. When I got home I didn't feel too good. I thought it was a migraine coming on from not eating regularly. I went to tennis in the evening. In the morning, I had come out in hives again. Haha, I thought. More allergy problems. My wasp sting looks like a massive bruise now so it wasn't inconceivable that there could still be something of the wasp still inside me. 

I looked after Ezra-Mae for the day. That went well. I had no cough or any of the other things you are told to expect. I did feel a bit down but nothing to worry about. Friday I went for a COVID test and argh... the result was positive.

At this point, I had no more than a mild cough and cold. I am still not really ill. I have a stiff neck, intermittent coughing plus I feel sorry for myself. Today I woke up, made coffee, and realised it tasted like ditchwater. My breakfast had the flavour of cardboard. So at this point, I have no taste buds but I can still smell. 

My Singapore phone won't load the test and trace app. Despite telling people this, I get so many emails and sms messages to ask me to put my results on the app. A very nice lady from the test and trace service spoke to me yesterday. She was most understanding. I had already informed everyone I had been in contact with but she needed names and numbers as well. This is understandable but when you are speaking to someone on the phone it is not easy to get numbers off your phone. 

Also, I tried to register myself for a retest but again was thwarted. The email with the link to fill in the form gets wiped out when the code is sent in another email. Again this is something guarenteed to piss me off. I am under the weather and the Bloody NHS doesn't seem to have a handle on how inefficient they really are.

This morning the NHS phone call sent my blood to boiling. This is something that COIVD alone has failed to do. I will not answer another call from that number! A lady rang up, told me to self-isolate as it is an offence not to do so. She read from a script so quickly and with the intonation of a robot, I wondered why the NHS didn't save itself some money and employ the robot from Marks and Sparks to read at speed to the 30,000 people who also have COVID. She even addressed me inappropriately so you can see why I was steaming. 

There are some up sides to having COVID, I am getting little jobs done around home. I have finished some craftwork, now I am painting my bedroom. In fact, I am writing this while I wait for the first coat to dry on the window frame. 

Added to this, COVID seems to have helped me slim down somewhat. What is there not to like about this shitty situation. I know this is a crass comment, Marms. I know how many lives have been lost. I watched "Help" with Jodie Comer on All 4. It was a story of a carehome in Liverpool at the start of the first lockdown. I couldn't help wondering whether her Killing Eve Character might rise to the surface slaughter the few who were left alive. When I wasn't wondering, I was crying. It is a seriously good story and uncomfortable to watch. 

So back to painting for me!! 

I miss you, Marms  today would have been a great time for a cuddle.

XXX

A Big day for Ezra-Mae

 Dear Marmite

I am having Ezra-Mae this morning and I am so excited. I have promised Danielle that I won't drop her on her head. This is a joke by the way. We always told Sammi, when he did something daft, it was because he was dropped on his head when he was a baby. 

Danielle is practicing leaving Danielle in readiness for her to return to work so there will be big changes ahead in her family organisation. I might be baby-sitting when both Richard and Danielle are working so it will be practice for me too. 

I have been quite busy lately too. I volunteered to make some stuff to sell at the Community Orchard on September 11th. In preparation I picked apples and plums from the orchard trees. This turned out to be a risky activity as I got clobbered on the head by four falling apples while picking them. It struck me how Newton must have felt to the power of four! 

I also picked a couple of kilos of blackberries to make blackberry and apple crumble from along the canal. Apart from getting caught on brambles and stung by nettles, this activity was far less dangerous. I also got chatting to people as they strolled past. The tow path is quite a friendly place. It seems that jam making is a popular pastime in these parts. 

We had a beautiful sunny day for the Orchard Event. This was an unusual upturn in the autumn weather. Most of August and the beginning of September have been dismal. I made 20 fruit crumbles at about 7am on the morning of the day and then realised it would be sensible not to take them along to the orchard on the back of my bike. I aim to use my bike for all short trips but in the interests of delivering reasonably sound crumbles I opted to do the 4 mile trip in my car.

I always worry that my cooking won't be popular. It is like when you take something to a potluck and then the host gives you the untouched dish to take home again because no one fancied it. The upshot was that all the local produce was a hit and everything went like hot cakes. I needn't have worried. I even had a little assistant!

I am still having problems with Marks and Sparks. They are the pits. You can't get to speak to anyone for at least 20 minutes and then no one seems to be able to help. I will NEVER consider them again as a place to shop. They are a shambles. It took yet another trip to the Stadium store to find out that I am actually going to get the damaged cushion replaced this Monday. How much effort would it have taken to tell me this was going to happen?

Danielle had trouble with her car and took it to the nearest garage which is on Stratford Road in Wolverton. This turned out to be a big mistake. The Eastern European mechanics clearly had no handle on what the problem was with her car, buggered it up some more and then charged her £200 for the pleasure. Not only was this annoying, she then had to hire a tow truck to get it to a garage that could fix it.  Like Marks and Sparks, places like this should be blacklisted. Perhaps this is the new norm for the UK. Who knows?

I am sure life is easier where you are, I have noticed that Singapore has hit the news for having an outbreak of the Delta variant but you are still in a good place despite all that.

Love you loads, Marms. 

Hugs all round

XXX