Things that go bump!

 Dear Marmite

The weather here is truly wintery now and I have now bought all the warm clothes I could possibly need for this winter and many more to come, I hope. You are lucky. Your beautiful coat would be most suitable over here. When I went away to Stevenage for the weekend, I piled three different types of outer coat in the car just in case. I am completely prepared for all types of weather. I have even made myself matching hat and gloves - crocheted - and they match my new, waterproof parka.  I felt pretty proud of my efforts and I was only slightly miffed when Liz said they looked rustic. For rustic, I read a bit crude and rough round the edges!

Amira bumped into the back of another car on one of the many roundabouts in Milton Keynes on Friday. I know it is wrong to find other's ills amusing but to hit a car in the presence of a police car is quite funny.  The car looks rather bruised but she wasn't hurt, thank goodness. 

So with this in mind, Ann reversed off her drive with me in the passenger seat. Nothing unusual about this except it is a bit of a Woolhead thing to thump the inside of the passenger door at an unexpected moment to make the driver think they have hit something. You know me Marms, at times anything and everything seems funny. Ann wasn't amused. She thought she really had bumped her new car. She called me a daft bat. It doesn't seem so funny now but it was - hilarious! 

I thought it was so funny I called Nasser to tell him.  I thought it would amuse him. He didn't find it funny. He knows the silly prank only too well and does it to me as well. I was sure he would enjoy my success in making Ann think she had bumped her car. Suddenly I felt really daft explaining why I had phoned. I can only explain my embarrassment as being drunk on laughter when everyone else is poker-faced. Silly me... small things and all that...

Nasser with card expressing heartfelt wishes!

It was also Nasser's BIG birthday last week. I chose a recipe to make a parfait cake. However, my trip to the supermarket to get the ingredients wasn't totally successful so I came home minus two very important bits. I made the cake anyway but it didn't look special enough for a birthday cake, especially for a BIG birthday. I made another cake in a hurry and topped it with malteesers to make it look a bit fancier than it really was! 

This meant I was left with a sub-standard cake.... I took it to Ann's and we took it off to her friend's place for the card night. It actually looked OK for an ordinary cake until you cut into it and then it splodged. So it was a good call to make a second one.

So here I am back home and still full of cold one week on. I haven't swam for a whole week now. I am still smiling about my fun weekend playing cards and catching up on gossip. I only won two of the games - and for Ann's benefit - no, I don't need a medal! 

Oh, how we laughed.

If only you could have been there!

Love You

XXX

Uh-Oh

 Dear Marmite

Misty moisty morning!

I think I am turning into a Teletubby. Not only do I watch kiddy programmes now, they seem to be affecting me deeply. More and more my level of intercourse sinks to "Uh oh" and similar. I am definitely more Dipsy than Tipsy! That is what inevitably happens when you have a toddler around, I suppose. I even think my simplified expressions stretch to the tennis court these days. With the way I play, there is ample room for lots of "Uh Ohs" and a few "D'ohs" - courtesy of Homer Simpson.

I'll give you an example. Ezra-Mae - as is her way - tips up my kitchen bin. I am actually quite annoyed but "Uh-oh" slips out. Maybe even a "Whoops-a-daisy". I restrain myself from letting an "oh bugger" slip - I know to save that for more adult company. 

Poorly little thing!

Last night I had Shadow for a sleepover as Ezra-Mae has been so ill she ended up in hospital dehydrated and full of cold - such was the nasty virus that she picked up. Uh oh... poor thing. Shadow is a very chill dog these days. She is 12 years old now so I would have thought she knew better than to plonk herself on my bed. I growled at her. That worked. She leapt off the bed, hung her head in shame and slunk to her mat. "Grrrrr" works well with dogs.

I know I am not the only person to regress with a child around. The other day while I was getting dry from my swim, in the next cubicle there came an almighty thud. There was a pause and then a scream. Obviously a fairly small child had fallen off the bench onto the hard floor. Clearly the Dad didn't realise this. He was clearly an expert in the bleeding obvious. He asked, "What happened?" If only the child could speak - I would expect his reply to be something like, "What do you think happened, Dad?  You were standing right next ot me. I hit my head on the floor when I fell off the seat. It hurts." 

I really think we have inbuilt language filters for such situations. I have spent this morning cuddling a poorly baby while Mum Danielle went for an appointment. Ezra-Mae really wasn't happy that Mum had dumped her and no amount of platitudes and CBBC programmes like "Night time in the Garden" made her feel any better. It wasn't all a waste of time though. I am now an expert on Makka Pakka, Upsy Daisy and Co. I even watched Room on the Broom - Brilliant!! Now Room on the Broom is an allegorical tale of how we should be inclusive. Even the cat came round to a better way of thinking. I am sure E-M picked up on it!

Meanwhile, when Ezra-Mae is in a better state, she calls me, "Nana" but she repeats this so it sounds a bit like a siren, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah". Perhaps there should be a warning for all approaching Grandmothers! Who knows!

So, Marms, life is pretty busy. Even I am full of cold today. You are in a warm, sunny place - be happy. 

Love you

XXX

Remember, Remember

 Dear Marmite

It is breakfast time here and I am having an extremely large cup of coffee and eating Marmite on homemade bread - good old warming winter stodge. In fact, the weather here is still very warm which I feel a little disapppointed with as I have bought a REALLY, REALLY warm waterproof winter coat and I so want to try it out in harsh conditions. I know I'll look like a mustard coloured Michellin man but at least I will be warm.

As you know, Britain is rapidly turning into the third world country. We have been told to expect blackouts in January because of fuel shortages and I have the thermostat 1c lower than I did last year as fuel bills have gone through the roof. Fortunately for me, the house is fairly warm despite this and I have a bed cover over my duvet so my bed is a perfect retreat.

Day to day I have been busy. I am nearly done with the Channel swim challenge at the local pool. If I really was swimming the Channel, I would be in sight of French soil already. When it was lockdown, I calculated I swam this distance every month but now there is so much else to do, I have taken to popping to the pool most weeks at least twice a week. I also have been swimming with Ezra-Mae. She is a little fish and loves the water. 

I mentioned that my bed is a perfect retreat. I had Ezra-Mae over for her first sleepover last Sunday. We shared the bed. I thought it was rather unfair that someone her size should occupy the Lion's share. I went down to check on her and even Shadow had plonked himself squarely in the middle of MY bed - BAD SHAD! For one night only I clung to the very edge of the bed and slept not one jot. There will be words before we do it again and next time, I'll put the boot in with Shadow - cheeky mutt.

From my garden

The season of mists and mellow fruitfulness is well and truly done. It is officially winter. In the old days we made a big thing of Bonfire Night. It was a much bigger thing than Halloween back then. From my reading, I discovered that it was actually an Act of Parliament that made it an official celebration for saving James l from being blown up by a group of Catholics. So, clearly this was not a PC event by any stretch of the imagination. I remember making a "Guy" to burn on the bonfire and we would have our own fireworks, as would everyone else back then. I decided to have my own little Bonfire party this year - just food and games - no big bangs because Shadow was there. 

It is always lovely to have people around. The downside is that I am still eating leftovers. I ring the changes with different veg from the freezer but my meals are very similar. This is another downside of living alone. 

I am off to the Orchard soon so I'll say bye bye. Hugs all round.

Miss you.

Love

XXX

Happy Halloween

 Dear Marmite

Halloween is indeed a scary time. I know how much you get scared on a normal day so today will be even more dicey. In times of prehistory people dressed up and made loud noises to scare away evil spirits while nowadays we just aim to drink tasty spirits while listening to loud music when dressed in ill-suited costumes. Times haven't moved on me thinks!

I went to visit Anita up in Sheffield for a Halloween Party. She went the whole hog and had a pretty wild party. The house was decorated with cobwebs and bats. There were even a couple of black cats - and one not so black too. I went dressed as another black cat but didn't get my tummy tickled like the other ones did. We played games  - and as you know - games are right up my street. Naturally, Anita has wonderful friends and I had an absolutely wonderful time.

Anita had told some of the guests that her friend from Singapore would be there so initially they thought I had just arrived from the island. When I said I had been back some time now, they then thought it was a co-incidence that I was also in Sheffield like Anita. It was a bit of a let down to say I had just popped up for the weekend from down south.

On the way home I stopped off at Sue's in Nottingham. Another reunion! As always when meeting Sue it is loads of natter punctuated with laughter. I told her the "Nottingham Services" put on a good meal and the service is very friendly! Until we meet again, Sue - thank you and cheers!

Between letters I have had a theatre visit too. I saw Spike at the Waterside Theatre in Aylesbury with Diane and Jeremy. It is a play written by Ian Hislop and a fun evening all round. While I was waiting in the foyer, I was recognised by someone from my neighbourhood and I got talking to some people from the carpark too. I felt almost famous! Only joking, Marms!

I am now on the home straight on my Channel Swim. I have less than 500 lengths left. As with the River Thames swim, you are with me all the way. Having had another lump cut out of my back, I couldn't swim for a while so it is taking me longer than it should do.

So Marms, tonight is the night!! Don't get spooked. Under those scary masks are people I am sure you love.

Sending special hugs

XXXXX

Happy Deepavali - a little late

 Dear Marmite

I really hope you and Rita had a lovely time celebrating. I know how much you love having friends around you. Over here people are allowed to set off their own fireworks and at times it feels almost like being under siege. The noise is never ending and it sounds like gunfire. Definitely not nice for dogs.

I was staying in London over that weekend and I met up with Vandana for a chat and pub meal. It couldn't have been more unlike Singapore. The weather was wet, it was quite a bit colder and the pub was relatively empty. Despite this sounding like a time of misery, we had a lovely time and as always it is lovely to catch up. 

As you probably know, our weather isn't normal over here. This autumn has been so warm I have seen people out in vests in late October. We have had thunderstorms and rain more reminiscent of tropical downpours too. It was in one such downpour that I was out walking. I got so wet, it went though my rain coat, my gilet and my shirt. The water wouldn't drain away and I had to wade ankle deep through a flood to boot. It took days to dry out my walking boots. I remember a similar 20km walk in Singapore down the Green Corridor. I believe Jeff still has nightmares from our jaunt.

Now I'm back home and it feels like I have never been away. I am back to swimming, going to the tennis club and quizzing. I am pleased to say our crucial wrong question in the last quiz wasn't my fault this time - fun quizzing; but this time no cigar.

I am also prepared to spend almost any amount of money to buy my first truly waterproof coat. I say, "almost" as I have looked online and in  the Cotswold shop and quality clothing is quite expensive  - I am adjusting my wants to suit a more limited budget and will continue looking.

Meanwhile, our glorious democracy continues to take a battering and our economy remains in freefall.  We are on the third different PM since my return. Haven't got enough fingers to count the different chancellors and Foreign ministers. I am not even sure it is a saving grace that fallen politicians don't languish in jail over here. My good memory is a big drawback when I shop and notice how much the price of everyday things changes every shop. When I got back here, filling up my tank cost £35 now it is £55. At one point it was nearly £70. 

Today was expecting a handyman. Today at 6am I got a message to say it would have to be next week. I have been waiting since August for this to happen... I'm irked and grumpy, to say the least.... errrrr. 

Missing you as always,

Love

XXX

On being thrown under a bus

 Dear Marmite

I promise you this doesn't happen for real. It is an expression that means the blame for a disaster is put on your shoulders. Just like Kamikwasi Kwarteng our late and not particularly great chancellor, I was thrown under a bus this week. This was not an unceremonial sacking for doing exactly what the PM wanted by tanking the economy. It was death by a thousand whatsapp messages by my quiz team - only joking guys -  and I thoroughly desrved it. It was a crucial question which, if wrong, lost us 15 points and first place. The question had to do with Rosa Parks and 2857. I promise I won't forget that answer in a hurry. But, to be fair, I did know it all happened before I was born which none of the rest knew. Ha!

Other blips in my week include another skin cancer removal. I expect to look like a Swiss Cheese before too long. I have to say the doctor was lovely and it was all relatively painless - thank goodness. THe biggest downside is not being able to swim for a week. 

There were nice things in my week. I went to Grand Designs in Birmingham with Jeremy and Diane. I haven't quite decided on the final layout for my ideal home - again this is a dream -  but there were some nice things there. I particularly liked the natural wood and coloured resin tables but at the price they were, I will stick with my current one. I also rather liked a bed that changed shape and massaged you vigorously. Now that is something I would be willing to trade up to. I had to apologise to the salesman who I accidentally kicked in the nether regions while testing the bed. That, Marmite, is an entirely other story!

Jeremy and Diane then treated me to a play in London too. Upstart Crow is a part panto- part farce - with a smidgeon of Shakespeare for good measure. I am still chuckling which means it must have been funny and very British. Although a strangley odd thing happened to me as I was waiting for the loo in the interval. The lady waiting behind me in the queue told me how you really needed to know Shakespeare to be able to appreciate the story implying that I knew diddly squat. I probably just look DUH! I look like I don't know the difference between Lady Macbeth and a Merry wife -obviously.

I also took in the sights. A  trip from Covent Garden through Chinatown to Regent Street took me down memory lane. It was Mid Autumn festival here too.

So, back to the quiz night. The quiz master asked if I was on the Victoria Line last Tuesday. Having got a crucial question wrong, I hesitated. The correct answer was YES! He was in the same carriage but didn't say anything to me as he was a tad drunk and not entirely sure it was me. Small world, eh? 9 million people in London and I am spotted on the tube at 11pm.

I must remember to blend into the background more. It is so much better for a quiet existence....

Hope you are doing alright. 

Love you as always. Hugs

XXX

Gloomy Britain

 Dear Marmite

This week the weather has turned to Autumn. You can feel the pinch of cold in the air. I have already sifted through my warmer clothes and I will be wrapping up even more these coming days as we all need to mind how we use elctricity and gas. Putin is blamed for the hike in energy prices and while he is somewhat to blame, it is mostly the path chosen by the government that has created our collective misery. This is where your marvellous fur coat would be ideal.

I booked a tennis camp down in Suffolk and this was the first time I had seen the sea since coming home. It was grey. It was uninviting - especially as the water companies have emptied raw sewage into our coastal waters this year. However, I was there for tennis and that is what I did. It was wonderful. 

I met a most fantastic group of ladies who shared my love of gin. Drinking gin and playing tennis compliment each other - gin being a much needed pain reliever after a session on court. As I now realise, the older I get the more pain relief I need!

We went to Fishers in Aldeburgh for a tasting session straight after 5 hours of tennis. The special flavours of this gin come from the plants foraged along the banks of the watercourse that feeds the sea. There is a slight saltiness about the finished product that makes it quite unique. Both the good company and the experience made it wholly worthwhile. hic! 

Yesterday I played a match for my club at Winslow. My new partner for the day - Nasser - played his socks off in his debut match. I am just about recovered enough to go out for social tennis this morning. This afternoon I have promised to help Danielle do some housework so tonight a good massage wouldn't go amiss - if only!

A slightly decimated quiz team hit my local for the monthly quiz last Thursday. Stephen and I joined a lovely couple for the evening and yet again we won! When I turned up for the quiz, a man from the next table told me to drink more so that they could have a chance. What a lovely reputation to have!

You, Marms and I have well and truly finished the 58 mile swim challenge and you are now signed up for the cross channel swim. So far we are 6 miles into it. Stick with me and we'll reach France. I imagine you with me all the way! I got a bit of a shock when I saw the membership prices off my local pool - they have gone up by £50 a year - shock, horror! 

My huggable other

So, that is about all my news for the week. At least this last week will be remembered as being special for the holiday I had in Thorpeness. Keep the pictures coming. I so want to hug you when I see you.

Loving you as always

XXX