Adieu

 Dear Marmite

It is at these very sad moments that I find it difficult to find the right words to express my feelings. Hope Julia Dawn was taken off life support on Sunday and spent the last short while of her life in her Mum and Dad's arms. Friends and family were with them all day. Danielle has explained to Ezra-Mae that her baby sister is going where the snowman went. Ezra-Mae's melting snowman that her Dad made is still a talking point and we all love to sit and watch The Snowman by Raymond Briggs. I like that idea. 

The 9 days of Hope's life have been a blur. In some ways for me it was like musical chairs. I had Shadow, then I had Shadow and Ezra-Mae. My friend, Peter, in the village had Shadow while I went up to the Special Care Unit in Leicester and I passed E-M to Amira while I played a tennis match. Shadow is now with Richard's brother in Cambridgeshire. Now I have Lucky. Lucky is Sammi's dog. As I said to my friend - I've got Lucky!!

In fact, we have all been so lucky to have so much support and I can only praise the staff in the hospitals for all the love and emotional support they gave as well as their professional care. These people are truly amazing. Jenni was Hope's special nurse. So that we could hold Hope all the tubes had to be taken out of the incubator and then stuck to our arm. It was a tricky manoeuvre. Nothing was too much trouble. It seemed like everyone automatically knew who we were and greeted us by name. It was all so personal. Thank you NHS.

Hope was Christened on Saturday morning. Danielle videoed it. I watched the video and cried. I have now watched it a couple of times and it still touches me. Hope came to us for a reason and even though her life has been short, she will remain in our hearts. Danielle and Richard could not have loved her more. The hospital have prepared a memory box for babies like Hope. That is a special thing too.

While all this has been happening, other parts of our lives continue. I was showing off my Junk inbox to my friend, Ann. I get emails for Hot Ukraine Girls and Penis Enlargements - I wonder why? Among these was one from my car insurer. The payment hadn't gone through for renewal. Argh... I had been driving without insurance unbeknowningly. That had to be sorted. Panic! There are other things in my life on the back burner. One day I'll get back on track.

I even collected letters from my postbox and then didn't open them and there are probably a few things in my house that will turn up in the most unusual places. Ezra-Mae at two is all over the place. She has a box of toys here but there are always other much more interesting things to play with. She likes to wear a yellow rubber glove - that is now part of her toys so it will probably no longer be of interest. On the downside she has a thing for the dog's water bowl. This she likes to throw... Naughty!

So Marms, life here is a bit frenetic. I send my love to you and thank you for listening to me at this sad time. You are very special even though I do have dogs around me to love.

Love you, as always

XXX

Blessing in Abundance

 Dear Marmite

Earlier this week I wrote  and told you the news of baby Hope. She is still in Leicester Hospital in the care of experts and she is coming up to a week old. It has been a week that I can not easily describe. Danielle has been up in family accommodation in the hospital while Rich has taken care of Ezra-Mae and then they swap places and Danielle comes home to Ezra-Mae and Wolverton to a life that is anything but normal. 

Eaxh day I get updates on her progress. It feels like she takes two steps forward and one step back. When she is a week old, they will do a scan to check her brain function. As yet she is being kept alive on life support. Words cannot express the mental turmoil and feelings I have. I just want Danielle to know that I am there for her.

I'm doing my bit. For the time being I have Shadow. At 12 she is still a lively dog who doesn't mind being dragged over muddy fields. We go out twice a day and she is always eager to have her harness on. She was aptly named. She likes to be near me. Her mat has been dragged into my bedroom and she comes into the bathroom to watch me go to the loo. Please take note Marms, the word walkies makes her excited. Shadow is my new best friend!

While I look after Shadow I have had others look after me. Ann has stayed with me for a few days. Canasta and Scrabble have filled our time very nicely. Singapore friends were around at the weekend and we spent a lovely afternoon at the Barley Mow. 

I have been touched by how much love and support everyone has shown. We have all been truly blessed. From all our friends who are praying for Hope I know that we have all the bases covered. I think we are only missing prayers from a Taoist and a Catholic to ensure all hotlines to God have been engaged. The world is full of love and I know we are all more alike than we are different. I thank you all for the love you share. I can feel that love.

Richard's company have just offered to pay for a hotel room near the hospital. This means that the family can stay together at this time and that is so much better for each of them.

Danielle and Ezra-Mae went up this afternoon to join Richard. I now have a moderate list of items she needs me to bring along tomorrow when I visit Hope. Mums are useful for some things.

Love you Marms. I know your thoughts are with us

XXX

Touch and Go

 Dear Marmite

I really wanted this blog to you to be a happy one. It isn't. Danielle had her baby last Friday, 3rd February. She had a difficult pregnancy, a difficult labour and now a newborn that is on the brink of life. Sadly, it is touch and go whether baby Hope will pull through. Currently Richard, Danielle and Ezra-Mae are in Leicester as there is a Specialist Baby Unit up there. There are so many sad things about all of this and the biggest is that Danielle cannot pick up this little bundle and give her a cuddle. 

Danielle says everyone in the hospital has been marvellous and supportive all the way through and we must praise them for everything that they have done. They recognised how tough it was for Danielle to be back on ward 9 with other mothers who had their babies with them. Now the family is in Leicester where there is a specialist baby unit. 

I am in constant touch with Danielle and I have Shadow with me. I know Shad-the-Bad spent last night on my sofa - Bad Dog... She then disappeared this morning and didn't answer when I called her. She was hiding under my bed. Bad dog. We went for a walk around the village and I was constantly looking at my phone and texting. This is something that irritates me no end when others do it. Whoops. Special times - special measures. Message to self - be more tolerant!

I was away last week and my Ring doorbell alerted me to movement outside my house. My nextdoor neighbour, Colin, had helped himself to my hose and water supply to wash his car. Bloody Cheek! I spoke to him through the Ring and he said he would have asked if I was around. He actually has my email, phone number and whatsapp... He really could have asked if he if had wanted to. He was caught red handed! Tolerance levels low.

My overriding emotion is actually love for Danielle, Richard and Ezra-Mae at this special time. As a Mum, I want to fix things and make everything right. I wish I had those special powers. 

I used to let my heart out to you, Marms, and I know that you always looked at me in just the right way to show you understood. I know you are there for me now. 

I really do love you,

XXX

Shit Happens!

Dear Marmite

Up high and spotting VERY big "dogs"

Here we are and only just into the New Chinese Year and already things are looking down. When they do, this makes other things worse too. Let me start with the fitting of my new balcony French windows and three other windows. I ordered them in the hottest month of the year and they were finally fitted on a really cold day when the temperature didn't rise much above -2c. What bad timing, eh?

To give the fitters their due, they worked really efficiently and I kept them supplied with incredibly sweet tea by the gallon. When they left, my house took a whole 24 hours to reach a comfortable temperature. Now that that part of my house is back to normal I am so pleased I had it done.

While the fitters were doing their thing, I had Ezra-Mae for a couple of hours. I usually plan my time with her so we do lots of different things. My options with the workmen around were limited. We started off dancing to Alexa nursery rhymes, then dressed up warm and  went to the swings and slides - not the best idea with icy steps and slippery equipment but it filled a while. Ezra-Mae has umbrella names for things - "car" is everything that drives along the road. She says, "Car" I say, "No, van".. easy.... She says, "dog" I say, "No, horse"... I am working on it....

It was all happening at the same time = while the windows were being done, my handyman was back to sort out the flaky paint on the ceiling and fit a carpet offcut in the mezzanine area. The carpet is now fitted and looks lovely. It is now a very cosy place to camp out! That certainly doesn't count as a shitty outcome. Originally I thought of it as a place for my grandsons to hang out but they are now back in Australia so that won't happen.

The carpet is sorted but the paint job will take a bit longer. The rafters under the roof are wet and the insulation is damp too. So now I am awaiting the roofer who fixed my ridge tiles last summer to come and check out the problem. As the plaster took so long to dry, the handyman knew there was something amiss. Job remains undone.

So with all these things happening I start to notice how other things irk. I get annoyed when someone says, "See you later." I have started to reply - No, you won't... I won't be back for some time. What is it with this over familiarity in shops? errrr.

Added to this, I am annoyed with the Israeli rhetoric after the murder outside a synagogue. I totally agree that it is sad but demanding revenge on all Arabs when they don't expect Palestinians  to want revenge for all the bad they have had done to them is pathetic and ridiculous. I know where my sympathy lies.

There are so many things in the news that irk. I Think it would be a good idea if all Tory MPs and their cronies could be supplied with a gun so they can shoot themsleves in the foot and shortcut this long drawn out path of self - destruction. Just a thought. Sadly the strikes are not weakening the resolve of our heartless leaders. I am beginning to see this as having the same outcome as the General Strike in 1926. The miners lost and ended up with less pay and poorer conditions back then.

There are ups amid all the downs. I think there there is an elephant in Flitwick. I went to Diane and Jeremy's for Burns Night. That means a meal of haggis and other things Scottish. Jeremy says he made a clootie pudding but I think an elephant was had a hand in it, so to speak. As they say, Shit happens! Actually it tasted fine with custard. Thank you, Jeremy.

Freshly caught haggis..clootie image censored

So, Marms, life is not a bed of roses but I do manage to smile at my adversity. 

Love you

XXX

Gong Xi Fa Cai

 Dear Marmite

Happy New Year of the Rabbit. May it bring great fortune to you. I spent most of New Year's Eve getting whatsapp greetings from all over. I felt quite connected even though I didn't have a celebration. I even played Gong Xi Gong Xi Gong Xi ni ya on Youtube to get in the mood. This song is an earworm as it is played in all the supermarkets around this time. I'll NEVER forget it. Never.

Today I have cleared the living room as I have a workman coming to fill the cracks made before the roof was repaired. I got up early and moved the furniture around. Behind each piece lurked spider webs and fluff - a  year's worth - and I thought I was good at cleaning. Obviously I am dillusional on that front.

I am sitting writing this awaiting his arrival. He is very skilled but equally unreliable. This I find quite frustrating. Added to this he is not good at responding to texts so I feel I am left hanging somewhat. 

The weather over here remains the wrong side of minus. Yesterday I played tennis in -6c. This wasn't too bad once I got moving and there was no wind at all. The sun smeered the sky so I congratulated myself for braving the weather to have a hit. 

I also took Shadow for a long walk back to my place the other day. The puddles are now skating rinks but at least more of the flood plain is accessible. Shadow doesn't like the ice any more than she likes water. She delicately tiptoes around the glassy bits. Some of the narrow boats throw out choking smoke which makes walking along the canal less than enjoyable. I can appreciate how cold the boats must be. The ice sits right up to the hull.

It remains for me to wish you all the best. Don't eat too many pineapple tarts! Enjoy the parties and the fuss you are getting. It will only last for 15 days!

Love You

XXX

New Year Niggles

 Dear Marmite

Weather bad!! It is either cold and windy - not nice for trying to hit a ball or incredibly wet. Whichever way you look at it, going out over here definitely has its drawbacks. Yesterday I tried to play tennis with the wind howling straight at me at one end of the court and the wind behind me at the other - exhausting to say the least. Also with 35mph winds, tennis becomes a game of chance. 

Last Friday I set off for more tennis. I travel by the back roads to the club - less traffic and more direct, I reckon. I got to the humpback bridge and there was a queue of cars and vans. This I thought was most unusual. The other side of the the bridge was flooded for about 100m and because of the narrow road only one car could go through at a time. I began to get nervous - I knew how to deal with deep water and cars with a manual shift but my car has lots of electrical bits which I figured don't work well in water. There really was no way back. behind me was a single track humpback bridge with a van on and ahead was the water. When it came to my turn I imagined getting stuck at the deepest part and spending the day awaiting rescue. Kevin - my car - ploughed on through. Yay... 

On Saturday I set out for a walk. I got to the Iron Trunk Bridge and then down onto the flood plain - it was flooded. It was flooded in both directions so I climbed back up to the canal and walked home. Short walk. The other day I tried to go down the Buckingham arm of the Grand Union Canal. Much of it is yet to be excavated and the path is not well trodden. Just a little way along I stopped walking and started slipping and sliding. I had trouble standing up at times. I then thought about turning back. I was about half way along so thinking it couldn't possibly get any worse, I squelched on to the bridge and then up through the field to the road. I had mud right up to my thighs. 

This trip reminded me of our 14km Green Corridor CNY jaunt to Keppel Railway station which was equally as messy - if not more so. That one also had the added excitment of escaping from a restricted area via a drain. You, Marms were traumatised. I was mucky from head to foot and it is probably still on action replay on the CCTV cameras. I am sure people would be amazed how unco-operative you were getting into a drain with me.

Once one thing begins to niggle, others follow. Besides the mud, I am becoming more and more irritated by TESCO self checkouts. They don't work properly. I put my bag of the counter and then the system needs a TESCO worker to approve. I scan my items and sometimes they don't scan. This again needs human support. So with half the tills, queues twice as long, I feel agrieved at the time I waste waiting for support to help me pay for the things I want to take home. errr...

Also EE are annoying me. I changed provider before Christmas and I am now getting threatening emails and sms's from EE to pay my bill for a service I terminated. They are threatening to cut me off. I have contacted them but human support doesn't seem to be able to make any difference. errrrr...

I am still going with my 30 days of yoga. I am a little behind as I have been away and have done other exercise. I still roll around like a hippo on my mat and laugh at myself. As it is in the privacy of my bedroom, no one else can laugh at me - thankfully. You used to lie underneath me when I did my stretches back in Singapore  - remember? I think that was because I gave you a guilt trip for you not wanting to exercise. 

I have done a jigsaw too. It is a long time since I did one. I was lent it by a friend at the tennis club and it was a tennis cartoon picture. For most of the time I was convinced that key bits were missing. There was a couple of edges that didn't seem to fit until right near the end I realsied I had put some bits together wrongly... errr... The end result - me with smug satisfaction that it only took me an evening to do. I had a bit of a chuckle at the picture. I think I have met most of the players depicted in it.

So life isn't all bad. I have longer days to look forward to as well as some planned holidays. 

Keep smiling Marms,

Love you

XXX

New Year, New Beginnings

 Dear Marmite

I have got to Day 9 of my New Year and I am still on track with my fitness regime. Besides my swimming, table tennis and tennis, I am now struggling to get into new and contorted shapes on the yoga mat. 

These shapes all seem to have animal names; frog, cat, cow, cobra, down dog are now part of my new daily routine and at the moment it does hurt a little. I suppose this is par for the course as my body does things it is not used to doing.

I am also having a dry January or sorts. I am not drinking in my house. I seem to have rather a collection of good wines and a few spirits lying around so all these will just have to gather dust til February now.

The down side of this time of year is that it is pretty muddy and after my bike accident I am a little more cautious about cyling through squelch. At least that doesn't stop me from going out. Today, I managed to cut back the dead stuff after the really cold snap. This means my compost heap is bursting at the seams and I am glowing from pottering around outside. 

Compost heap!

Sammi left last week for Scotland so I now have the house to myself again. Last weekend I spent in Stevenage with Ann. We went to the local Panto. This was sort of fun but not a great panto. The scenery and costumes were really well done but the main characters were weak and the script was poor. Still, pantos are what we do at Christmas time so I can tick that one off my list for this year. Now it is just another year and another day. 

It looked much better in the flesh.. so to speak

We still have a lot of disruption because of industrial unrest - all because the government won't come to terms with what they have done to the country. All in all, it is not a good place to be. You have the sunshine. You have the good life. You are a very lucky old man. If only we could start again and look at this whole mess with people at the centre instead of capitalism - what a better place 2023 would be.

Love you,

XXX