And so this is Christmas

 Dear Marmite

I have come round  to thinking that unplanned Christmases are the best. Due to the lockdown rules, I spent Christmas Day with Danielle, Richard, Billie Bump and Shadow. For the first time that I can remember I didn't do anything towards Christmas dinner either. I felt a little bereft to be honest. I like doing the Turkey. Richard, a trained chef, took over the kitchen and did us proud. Even Shadow got a special Christmas dinner of turkey, gravy and the trimmings. This is the first Christmas I have spent with my family since 2017 and there were no uninvited guests this time. You would have loved it, Marms.

The turkey I bought was for 8-10 people. We had just the crown for Christmas dinner. However, before the big day we ate turkey curry, fricassee and sandwiches. Richard has actually saved the day. I imagined eating turkey themed dinners well into February.

We all started off Christmas day with a doggie walk along the Grand Union. There were a number of people out for their constitutionals too. Many were wearing their Santa hats. I got rid of mine when I packed up the house in Singapore. Now I wish I hadn't. So the Santa hat has got added to a long list of things I really should have brought back. 

The air was crisp and there was ice underfoot. The flood plain was awash where the Ouse had burst its banks. Oh, the might of nature. It is hard to imagine how so much water could have got there. This area is a nature reserve but along the way in Northamptonshire and north Befordshire homes had been evacuated because of the flooding. When I set off for the walk, I knew it would be wet. Even if I had worn my boots, I still couldn't have gone along the path. I reckon it was thigh deep. 

The presents I received for Christmas say a lot more about our current situation than me, I hope. I have drinks galore, chocolate and Christmas fare. Come BREXIT and potential food shortages, I will be fine. Danielle and Richard gave me a wine thermometer so I will be able to drink my wine at just the right temperature from now on. I tried it out yesterday on the champers. We drank it at 2c above the recommended chill which was not a good start. With this gadget I am well on my way to being a wine nerd!

Of course we can't have Christmas without games. So with our Christmas hats on we played Uno, Pictionary, 5 second Rule, quiz games, chase the ace and cribbage. Some of these needed to be adapted for small numbers  -but without them it wouldn't have been Christmas. I was an abject failure at chase the ace. However I played it, I ended up with the ace. Thank God we didn't turn it into a drinking game. hic... Richard was especially pleased that I lost. He sees there is a chink in my armour.

Amazing! We three crammed all this in and I still had time for a pretty nasty asthma attack. I am not sure what triggered it but I reckon it could have been the cold air outside. My puffers were well out of date and they weren't effective so I had to ring 111 for advice. It is not easy talking when you can't breathe and it is even worse coughing in a time of COVID. The people who helped me on the other end were brilliant. I have been to the pharmacy this morning to pick up another inhaler ready for the next attack. Fingers crossed I won't need to use it.

Off on my bike later, hopefully...I need to cycle off the the pud I ate!

Cuddles from afar...

Love

XXX

More Tears...

 Dear Marmite

It was a great shock when a message bleeped through on my phone last night that we were going into tier 4. This obviously is worse than the tier 3 that started just yesterday. I had no time at all to experience tier 3 so I cannot say that life is worse now we are in tier 4.

The big thing is that Christmas is cancelled. All my plans have been scuppered and the turkey will now last well into February. When I first heard the news I went into denial. This could not possibly be so. In addtion to this year's cancellation, being in Hanoi last year means that for two years I will not have celebrated in the Woolhead traditional style. I like to go big with my Christmas Day plans. One day I will again.

When the news started to sink in, I saw myself sitting with a full Christmas dinner in front of me - all by myself. The Christmas tree lights would be twinkling, the Christmas decorations would all be up. I imagined myself having to hold both ends of the cracker to pull it and  it would be foolish of me not to drink the whole bottle of prosecco - who drinks flat fizz the next day?

Richard and Danielle were going to stay at his mother's place but travel between areas is off the cards too so at least I have company to pull a cracker with. Now we can all look ridiculous together wearing our paper hats for the day. It will be a Christmas but not as we know it. 

You are probably out of the loop with this. In southern England there is a mutant strain of the virus that spreads even easier. This is why the government have suddenly jumped into overdrive with new rules and further closures of anything remotely pleasurable. 

Billie Bumps arrival is imminent. Danielle probably won't have room for too much pudding this year and she certainly won't be raising a glass. As much as I feel anger with the way the whole crisis has been handled over here, I do feel protective of Danielle and Billie Bump so I am being cautious - so cautious in fact, that we had to climb on the railings of a bridge to get over a flood today! We were well away from any contact with potential viruses but we could have got quite wet. No sweat!

This is the first year I won't be thinking of how I can sort the turkey out to make treats for you. I used to boil down the bones for broth and flavour rice with it. Thinking of things I did for you like that make me miss you more. I know you are in good hands though and that life is good for you. You are in a good place altogether.

To you and all my friends in Singapore and around the world. Merry Christmas. However, you spend it, it will be different. The world is a different place.

Love you loads, Marms

XXX

Christmas is just around the corner

 Dear Marmite

Big question... where has this year gone? I cannot believe that we have got to Christmas time already. Some days and weeks seem like they have dragged by yet the whole year has whizzed. It has been lovely seeing the seasons change and that is something I missed in Singapore.

Danielle, Shadow (dog) and I went up to St Andrews to visit the rest of the tribe. It is a 500 mile drive north to a warmer place surprisingly.  As Danielle is very pregnant we fitted a number of wee stops on the way. Sammi lives five minutes walk from the beach so we took the dogs there each day. On one particular visit there were a large number of surfers bobbing up and down in the sea. They looked like over-sized black birds. In all the time I was watching, only one person managed to ride a wave. 

This has led me to the conclusion that every single person in the water that day must be slightly mad. They choose to do an activity  - surfing - but don't actually surf. They sit around on boards bobbing up and down on the waves in sub Arctic waters of the North Sea for pleasure! At least I get to hit a ball in sub zero conditions which means at least I am playing tennis. In my mind this makes me less crazy than surfers by quite a margin. Sammi apparently surfs  - or sits on a board in very cold water - so I see this as definite confirmation of his mental deficiency.

On the Christmas front, I am really not sure what is happening. Boris - the people pleaser - has said that we have new rules for Christmas where people from three different bubbles can mix indoors with the windows and doors open. In the middle of winter in the northern hemisphere this most likely won't happen. The windows will be closed surely - otherwise the turkey won't be the only thing frozen.

Over the five days of Christmas celebrating, I could be in contact vicariously with half of England. If two bubbles join up with me, they could have rubbed shoulders with up to four other bubbles each previous day. Some have described this Christmas relaxation of rules as a potential killing spree. The double-speak, the lack of clarity, the failure of any clear leadership over here are all factors contributing to the high death toll. 

For all the sense it makes we could be talking ibble obble black bobble, leading to hubble bubble toil and trouble with bubble oh seven being James Bond in a bath. The government messages are no clearer. At least this temporary blip in sanity will only last from 24th to the 28th December before we then have to rethink how to see in the New Year without hugging everyone in arm's reach.

I am currently living in a tier 2 area with high infection rates and school closures. God alone knows what will happen after Christmas. The vaccine is here and I have already had an email that over 80s can get it. To be honest, they should start with front line workers - bus drivers, NHS, shop assistants - anyone who comes into contact with lots of people. I am happy to be at the back of the queue here. One little thing that happens in MK is the food deliveries are robots. They don't need vaccines.

So today I am busy getting ready for Christmas - a bit of shopping, a bit of cleaning, a swim, tennis and a quiz. I have plans for Christmas... they could turn into me pulling a cracker with myself and  eating a turkey big enough to feed the street by myself at worst but I don't anticipate that. Christmas Card 2020

Life is tough in retirment as you well know, Marms. Miss you as always

Love

XXX

A Very Special Day!!!

My very dearest Marmite,

Happy Birthday! In human years you are very nearly one hundred. You are a truly amazing old man who has brought so much joy to so many people. You have been a therapy dog and a male model in your day. Every day I miss you,  yet I know that you are in the very best place and enjoying every minute of your life.

Over here in England the weather is decidedly the wrong side of nippy and when I get up to go swimming in the mornings I dress up in so many layers you could not imagine it. I have been here for over 10 months now and I still haven't got the hang of dressing appropriately for the cold weather. I took Shadow for a walk around the Rec and my feet got sodden from the wet grass. I get on my bike thinking I will freeze and end up stripping off layers en route. I can't seen to get this right.

Today I saw a man jogging in shorts and T-shirt when the temperature was minus 2. Just last Sunday I played tennis is foggy conditions. The football match happening on the same fields must have been a farce as you  really couldn't see across the pitch while I could only just see the far side of the court. This is proof that the English  really are barking mad!

Brexit is a fine example of total stupidity. Big bad Boris promised an oven ready deal which he said had been signed, sealed and delivered. The great British public must have believed him when they voted  him in with a landslide. If he wadn't talking out of his arse then, why is he failing around to scrape together a deal which by all accounts will turn Kent into a lorry park? Un-bloody- believeable.

Some things have changed drastically over the time I have been in Singapore. We used to stick a tree up inside the house and give it some quiet bling. Now so many people go overboard and decorate their house fronts for the festivities. This takes time. I saw how hard the man down the road from me worked to add festive bling to our little street. 

I felt rather guilty that I hadn't quite got in the spirit so I bought an £8 Tesco tree complete with lights and battery to put in my bedroom window. to be honest I probably shouldn't have bothered. It looks rather sad. I am even embarrassed to take a photo of it. It will probably take me some time to actually do the right thing. 

I have decided to buy some snow boots - I don't like wet socks squelching round my toes. but there are no boots in my size at a price I want to pay! I have been here such a long time yet I still slip into Sing dollar mode and think something is cheap when it is actually quite expensive. Fifty dollars and fifty pounds are very different but my mushy,  muddled brain sometimes doesn't quite connect with currency conversions.

So from a muddle -headed slightly cold me, I will say bye bye and wish you all the best for many doggy years to come. Have fun old man.

Love

XXX

One Year Ago... Just Yesterday

 Dear Marmite

I have been away from Singapore for a year and a day! I walked out of Dairy Farm Condo and got on a 170 bus. In the normal run of things this is not a very big deal as thousands of people do this trip every day. For me it was for the very last time  I set off across The Causeway. Melanie walked to the bus stop with me and I feel almost more emotional about that moment now than I did then. I miss Singapore!

A lot has happened to both me and the world over the last year. For starters I couldn't have imagined how the world would be turned upside down by something so small. Over one and a half million peolpe have died from Covid - with 53,000 deaths in the UK alone as of today. Many more millions are facing, unemployment, homelessness and penury.

I have been to over 10 countries in the interim which is surprising considering how many borders are now closed. At least the memories of my travels have kept me going through the darker moments of lockdown. One that stands out is the fantastic hair cut I had in Paris. It was the best ever. Now my hair looks so awful, I wear a hat. At one point in the first lockdown I had it shaved off. That option is so tempting despite the chilly weather!

Over the last year I have also had a surprise house guest for a major part of it.  All that came about out of the blue from an email with a desperate cry for help. And so to the rescue... or so I thought. Yet only today my friend, Nasser, joked that he had been told by his lawyer that he is entitled to £20,000 from the Home Office for every month he was wrongfuly imprisoned. If I had left him there, he could have been so much better off now! Mind you, with our current Home Office I won't hold my breadth regarding any payout. 

In retrospect, I should perhaps consider my long term guest a replacement for you, Marmite. He like you is fairly well house trained, likes my cooking and is mostly willing to come along for some exercise. However, I stopped short of tickling him behind the ears and he will he never supplant you in my affections - you, Marms are and always will be the perfect gentleman.

I have come round to the idea that I am missing work. I feel I need something to occupy my waking moments. I have a few years before I can collect my pension but I am regularly reminded I am a vulnerable person. I have been offered a flu jab - not COVID - and I am on a register for vulnerable people with my energy supplier should any blackout happen. As a bona fide old dear I am in a place where all the bases seem to be covered! I just can't remember where I parked my zimmer frame though!

As you know Marms, early morning swims are my thing at the moment and since the Not-Lockdown 2 has finished I am back to regular dips. I set off in the dark and watch the sky brighten up over the deep end of the pool as I swim my lengths. I have to say it is a great way to start the day seeing the world wake up.

I am also starting to get ready for Christmas. The tree is up. I have made the alcoholic mincemeat! I am also making some Christmas sweets. Under the constraints of being in tier 2 - make of this label what you will - as it means different things to different people - I am pushing the boat out and doing Christmas with as much cheer as possible. I look back on 2016 as being the benchmark for memorable ones. That had a certain je ne sais quoi but I can't put my finger on it. Spoons were involved!

I am also joining in a Wolverton Art initiative where you turn a window of your home into a picture frame. Each month is a theme. January starts with the theme of HOME. I hope you like my first attempt at this and accept it as being heavy with irony. 

I hope you are looking forward to your birthday, 

Hugs

XXX

Into the beyond

 Dear Marmite,

Yet another anniversary has arrived! It was one year ago today that I retired. Now I have got to this auspicious moment - one complete year of thumb twiddling - I am ready to work. I have tried volunteering, and necessary as that seems, there aren't so many opportunities at the moment. The food parcel delivery thingy dried up despite a second lockdown and other charities are concerned about getting too close and spreading germs. Instead of being retired, I'd like to think of myself as being between jobs.

Yesterday was a day worthy of mention. I took Nasser and his family for a walk in the woods - Stockgrove Park, near Leighton Buzzard. As a child I used to swim in an indoor pool there. That was at a time when there weren't many public pools. I didn't manage to find the house or the pool but I did manage to get us lost. Although in all fairness, it wasn't just me to blame.

Getting lost is rather a recurring theme, Marms, and at this point you are probably oozing sympathy for all involved. So let me fill you in. We parked near the Heath and Reach entrance - at the time I thought this was the only one and from my childhood memory, the grounds weren't particlularly large. 

I have to say the place was quite busy considering how cold it was and how foggy. We walked past the lake - great for duck spotting -  and took a left up a hill and then later rejoined the main path after pine cone hunting. So far so good. We ended up at a Scout Hut by another car park. Again, no problem. Then we set off from there to the left and wandered up hill and down dale. 

It was around this point that Adnan (13) declared that he had seen enough trees. When you are in a forest this is a problem. Kenan (9) said he knew the way back because he had been collecting Pokemoms. However, he had only been collecting them since the Scout Hut so we circled back to the wrong car park. 

To chivvy the boys along I set a few challenges and races. The last of these turned into a bit of a disaster as I predicted that our car park was straight ahead and got Adnan to run ahead in search of it. This gave him purpose and he thought we would be leaving sooner - a great idea all round, I thought. I then had second thoughts as the signs seemed misleading and crowds of people were surging in from the left. Unfortunately Adnan, by this time, had disappeared into the blue beyond - probably never to be seen again. 

Amira (Mum) and Kenan followed in the direction I  had sent Adnan while Nasser and I set off for what I thought was the "right" way. So now we were one group split up into three smaller groups in a foggy forest that was far larger than I remembered.  Nasser and I had been here before - far too many times. 

At this point Nasser started to offer to write the blog for me - so today I can't take credit for all that I have put to paper. We thought we had got to the car park. It was a car park but not the one with our car in it. This was actually quite funny. Nasser left me and jogged in the direction I thought our car park was and left me to walk to the main road. The sky was growing heavy at this time and under a canopy it was growing dark. Time was of the essence.

Suffice to say we all eventually became one again. I don't think the boys were too amused but Amira feels she has been initiated into my rather too inclusive club of wild days out where getting lost is part and parcel of the experience.  Anything could happen and as Nasser said it is always memorable for all the wrong reasons.

As we head for Christmas I have taken to heart an article in the Guardian about putting up decorations early to cheer yourself up. So my tree is up - just a few days ago - and the stockings are up too. I have gone, once again for an avant garde Christmas tree. This time from John Lewis - my favourite shop. I have used my decorations from Singapore that have been collected over the years. I think you would recognise the style, Marms. 

There is a house in my street that looks more bling than Orchard Road. I am not normally too enamoured by OTT displays but on this occasion  - a time of doom and gloom - it has made me smile.

As Boris said - Let's celebrate Christmas and be jolly careful. And, as someone else added - celebrate Christmas with your loved ones and bury them in January! One thing I am not volunteering for is a jab. I am prepared to take my chance in that domain. 

Yet again, I think you would have enjoyed my walk in the woods (perhaps). At least in England I have noticed people are attached to their dogs when out walking while people in Singapore are attached to their phones. On that note, I will say bye bye to my beloved dog to whom I am very much attached.

Love you

XXX

One week and counting...

Dear Marmite

Just over a week to go and we will be out of Lockdown - Not Lockdown 2 and depending whether we live in a high risk zone or not we could be in for more of the same. However, this won't be called lockdown after December 2nd so it won't be as bad  - perhaps! Fortunately for us Brits, the virus will miraculously disappear over Christmas and mistletoe will abound! 

So all this means I could be back to my swimming regime and playing tennis as well as cycling come December 2nd - Oh joy of joys. I am planning Christmas as if it were a funeral. The turkey deserves a good send off! For good measure I will even set fire to the Christmas pud. These small touches to turning Christmas into a funeral mean that up to 30 people can gather and I am sure a few rounds of spoons won't be too much of an issue as the virus will absent itself from our fair isle for the duration of the celebrations.

Danielle and I visited the family graves in Leighton Buzzard on Monday. It was a perfect winter day with clear skies, glistening grass but with rather a lot of fresh graves. I made my third attempt to find my Aunty Grace's grave as I have promised to tend to it. In the end Danielle's need to have a wee stopped our search. I promise I won't give up. 

With COVID rules, I thought that only emergency dental work was being carried out so I delayed making a routine check-up appointment for nearly a year. I phoned around a few local surgeries  but to no avail. One woman receptionist told me she couldn't see why I didn't use my old dentist when I told her I had just moved into the area. If only she knew how stupid that comment was! It would have involved two fourteen hour flights and a two week quarrantive.

As it was, I have ended up paying the cost of a flight!! to have deep cleaning at a private dental practice in Central MK. I was impressed with the organisation - COVID-wise -  and the dentist wore a mask that resembled a WWll gas mask so her chatting to me and my answering were pretty minimal exchanges. I could well have been on a Dr Who set talking to an alien. I have had deeper conversations with you, Marms. 

Meanwhile on the home front, Danielle and Richard are filling every available space with baby stuff ready for the imminent birth of Billie Bump. When I had Laura way back in 1984, I went for minimal stuff as I left the country 6 weeks after she was born. Barry left the day after  she was born leaving me with a house to clear as well as having a new baby. The contrast in preparations for my first baby and for Billie couldn't be starker! 

I have bought them a decent buggy / car seat thingy as I went through far too many insufficient strollers during early motherhood. I remember having a secondhand Mothercare one in the Bahamas. Laura managed to unscrew a key part that changed the position to upright every time I took it out. This meant retracing my steps to find where I had lost it. Then we bought a new one in the States and that got lost on a flight. In Singapore, I bought a lightweight (probably Chinese made) one that I could take on the bus. This used to fold up with Sammi inside. So as you can see, I feel a stroller of quality (hopefully) is a good investment and hopefully not the cause of family tales involving kiddie disasters.

Inspired by Vanessa in Singapore - showing off her planting skills to you and Team Marmite, I have upgraded my herb tray in the kitchen. So far I have Rosemary, carrot tops, parsley, basil and corriander. I have also bought more seed packets and now need another place to plant these out... My home is just not big enough! 

We had a birthday celebration for Nasser last week. It was a small affair with a big cake and a treasure hunt around the house...another exclusive party! Have you any thoughts about how you will celebrate your 14th Birthday? It really is just round the corner now and I am so sorry I won't be there to celebrate with you. 

Missing you as always.

Love and hugs

XXX

A year of living dangerously

 Dear Marmite

It was one year ago today that I left my Dairy Farm home for the last time and started my vagrancy. I look back at all the things I have done over this year and then I look back and think that it was no time at all.  I see it as the start of my journey and still I haven't got a place I would really call home. 

As it is a time for looking back and getting a bit nostalgic, I feel I am missing my old life. I know this old life doesn't really exist anymore and the lovely farewell parties probably wouldn't have happened if I had left this year. Mostly I miss the people - especially the Dariy Farm ones - and you old Marms. No dog says, "Hellooooo" to me each morning in Milton Keynes. 

So one year on, I am facing my first whole winter - not a nice thought. I reckon I have enough warm clothes this time round and at the moment I still manage to have cold showers but even that might not last as the temperature drops. Shadow doesn't like the bad weather either - she probably remembers those barmy warm days that never ended back in her time in Singapore too.

Even Christmas is uncertain this year. I feel for those celebrating Deepavali this weekend in small groups. It really is a different world with COVID dominating our lives. I am determined to make Christmas a bit special though. On my list are the things that you need to go searching for in Singapore - things like crackers, Christmas pud and Christmas drinks found only in Marks and Sparks in Wheelock Place!! Ginger wine will definitely be on the menu and my day will definitely start with a Bucks fizz. All I need is a houseful to make it a real celebration. I think my Christmas of 2016 is the benchmark for having a good time. 

At the moment I have shingles. Compared to COVID this really is an inconvenience. It means I have a bit of a rash, sleepless nights and I am a bit under the weather. Danielle has Gestational diabetes, she is an O neg and she has allergies so the NHS have pulled out all stops to help her overcome all these little setbacks. Poor girl doesn't stand a chance - she has my allergy problems, her father was borderline diabetic and her grandmother was a type 2 diabetic so with a combined dodgy medical history thank God for the NHS. Billie Bump will be fine.

So from Lockdown - ish England with wall to wall Canasta, it remains for me to send my love over the airwaves and tell you as always how much I still love you, Marms.

Hugs

XXX

Season of mists and mellow lockdowns

 Dear Marmite,

This is day 4 of the new lockdown. It is a new style lockdown where almost everything is open except the things I want to do. I can't go swimming, I can't do pub quizzes but I can meet someone for exercise outside provided I am not holding a racquet. Ridiculous, to say the least. There are just as many cars on the road too.

Danielle can no longer work either so at 28 weeks pregnant she has to begin her maternity leave because of the lockdown guidelines. I can see some sense in this as she works with vulnerable people. However, 12 weeks is a long time to sit around and wait for a baby to arrive when you feel perfectly fit and there is little to do.

So where does this leave me? I am rolling around the bedroom floor every day - this is a fair description of my exercise routine. I also go out cycling. Over here, at the start of the ride I feel cold and wonder whether I have enough clothes on and then half way round I need to strip off because I begin to bake. Yesterday I did a hilly 14 miles along country roads where the Lycra lads were out in force. It reminded me a bit of the Sunday morning rides I did in Singapore although the men cycling there wore rather less stretchy stuff that they do here.

I think the first lockdown must have made hedgerow animals brave. Back in March, all sorts of creatures freely ran to and fro across the country roads. Now they are but squashed carcasses. I have seen rats - they deserve it, badgers, squirrels, deer, birds (non-descript / flattened), and rabbits all strewn on the tarmac. I am convinced these creatures might have wondered what has happened to this crazy year where we deserted the roads for so long and changed their habitat and caution by doing so.

Last night, Danielle and I played Canasta. I was being trounced right up to the end and then the Gods smiled favourably on me and I went out with a concealed hand which pushed me well over the 5000 mark. You might call me competitive but it is these small joys that keep me smiling, Marms. 

Oh how small my life is these days. I think I say this to you every week. I have been following the US election just for the comedic rhetoric. I shall miss Trump. There surely will never be anyone as blatantly stupid as he is, encumbent in the White House ever again. I kept checking The Guardian for results and to begin with it said it was too early to call - this was nerve-racking -  and then when I woke up it said it was too close to call - and this went on for an eternity. I missed something in the middle while sleeping. I think that was the exciting bit. 

I have also set myself some challenges for the month. Exercise every day... that is easy. Learn something online - I've started. Don't use the car... get smaller shops from Tesco and put them on my bike. Lose weight... I sit around far too much despite exercising. 

I know I moan but I am one of the lucky ones. Thousands are losing their jobs - especially the young. The government is wasting billions on ineffective measures to curb the virus - mostly giving this money to incompetent cronies. Rishi Sunak has lost count of the different ways he has promised to help businesses while people at the heart of society struggle. The landlady of one of the pubs I do the quiz at is losing her job with Heineken because she hasn't met her targets. The food parcel deliveries aren't happening this time either. Against this background, house prices are still rising. How? 

Above all, Marms you are among the luckiest. You have Rita to spoil you and you no longer get dragged out for long walks. Keep smiling, Singapore is a good place to be. 

Love you as always

Hugs

XXX

Lockdown looms

 Dear Marmite

We are living in a time of misery - a slough of despond even. As a result of Big Bad Boris flip flopping and doing absolutely nothing right for anyone, rumours abound that a new lockdown is heading our way. Added to this, we have yet another storm or two battering this fair land. Zeta, with Aiden hot on its tail are predicted to wash away any plans for the next few days. 

I read in a Chronicle of the twentieth century that in January 1900, a flu epidemic was putting great pressure on the hospitals and keeping grave diggers busy day and night in the cities of Britain. The epidemic was described as a fashionable malady! I quite l like that turn of phrase. We certainly have a fashionable malady now! 

I am also not happy with Samsung. Since meeting Mr Silly Twat in Milton Keynes, Samsung store; I have found out the this man left his job at the shop later that day after bullshitting me. Clearly I was his parting gift. Samsung in the UK were happy to sort out my problem provided I bought the watch over here. I didn't. My friend in Singapore visited the shop I bought it from and was told that it was out of warranty - two weeks out of warranty -  so they couldn't do anything about it. The only good thing I have to say about Samsung is that they have built in obsolescence to perfection. I refuse to give up the fight on this one. Companies like Samsung need to be more environmentally aware that quality reduces waste. 

I have been looking through old photos, newspaper cuttings, birth certificates and wills. I reckon the archives go back to the 1860s. Many of the old pictures contain people that I can only guess at who they might be. To give you an idea of how many pictures I have been through, I have filled a very large B&Q black box and a suitcase that once belonged to Aunty Rose. This old leather suitcase has her initials on - R.A.P.

I have been discussing my finds with my cousin in Australia. He looked up her husband who she married in 1915. He reckons that Pharez Phillips, an Australian MP, was her father-in-law. What a lovely name!! 

So, as you can see Marms, life is not all tickety boo here. You are in a much better place - I just hope you appreciate all that you have. Send me some more pictures of you. 

Missing you as always

Love

XXX

A week of mixed fortunes

 Dear Marmite

Once again COVID has been the big disruptor in my life. Provided I don't aim to do anything beyond the mundane, I can plan. I was to visit an old friend but that is now off the cards due to social distancing from potential carriers. ARGH!!! This is not an unusual situation these days and in some ways it makes me wonder whether we will ever get back to socialising, ever again.

There are other things to say ARGH about as well. Top of the list is that my Galaxy Active watch has died after one year and two weeks! I took it into the Samsung shop in MK Centre so I could be entertained by a prize twat. He told me that it was water damaged and it isn't meant to be used in water. Fair enough.

The counter to this is there is an app for swimming so I asked him how I could use it for swimming if I couldn't get it wet. He said the app was there because it was part of a package and it was no more than splash-proof. If you swim with it, you can't put it in water. My imagination of how a swimming style would look like if your left arm were always out of the water.

Unsatisfied with the poor response from Mr Silly Twat from the Samsung shop in MK Centre, I looked online and spoke to Benedict on a chat line through the Samsung website. He  was sympathetic and helpful. He passed me on to another Samsung man in Leeds who went through the manual for my watch. On page 27 it says that you can use it for swimming but not for thrusting it through the water or for diving. 

I pointed out that I am an old dear and was not likely to be thrusting my arms through the water at any great speed these days. Satisfied that I have not mis-used it, on Monday I am off to see Mr Twat to ask what I should do next... hopefully get a replacement or part exchnge. WATCH THIS SPACE, Marms! ARGH!

I told Danielle and Richard the sad story of the dying watch. When I got to the part where I mentioned about being an old dear, Richard scoffed and said I was playing the vulnerable card again. I am vulnerable - it's official. E-On sent me a letter to say that in the event of a power cut, they will sort out my home first. I am on their vulnerable register. I can't even record my activity at the moment to show how I potter along after nearly a year of retirement. My watch is broken.

I have also joined a tennis club. I signed up for lessons but was a bit of a square peg in a round hole so now I am just doing the socials. I am still not fully recovered from the British Council accident but I am getting there thanks to the swimming, rolling around the bedroom floor and cycling I have been doing. 

As old age creeps up on me, I often wonder what is acceptable behaviour. When do the things that children do, cease to be acceptable. The other day at the swimming pool a young boy of about 4 was sitting on his mother's bag in the shower area with a giraffe on his head. I asked him if his cuddly giraffe could swim - after all, it was at a swimming pool. He looked at me as if I was off my rocker. His mother smiled at me so I said, if it could swim, it would probably win any race by a neck. 

A giraffe sitting on a 4 year-old's head is perfectly natural. If that child were 10, would that seem as natural. How long Marms, do you think I will need to wait until I too can adorn myself with the bizarre? I was tempted to put the trophy we won at the quiz this week on my head. Something stopped me... Perhaps I am not quite old enough to do that in a pub yet!!!

I notice you rather like large sunglasses these days. Perhaps people around you don't bat an eyelid as this is now normal in your dotage. 

So with another week gone and we are both another week older, I'll say bye bye and send you my love, as always.

Hugs

XXX

Hugs

XXX

An omnishambles of unprecedented proportions

 Dear Marmite

Friday night came and went and I spent it with a large G&T. I don't think that breaks the rules of who or what you can mix with but with Boris' ramblings you can never be too sure at the moment. I didn't even have anyone to beat at cards.

We have a new regime with a traffic light system of lockdowns where the north and north west of England is supposed to be bearing the brunt of the system. Unfortunately, no one likes it and Manchester has refused to follow the new rules. On the good side, you will now be able to get a GCSE in COVID experiences but I expect it will be diffiuclt to score well as the text is quite illusive. 

At this point, I'd like to share some of my observations as to why things are not really working. I live near a secondary school. This school uses two entrances for students to come and go. In the mornings when I head to the pool large groups huddle together while waiting to be allowed onto the premises - about 10% of the youngsters wear masks - usually lodged under the chin - but credit must be given for at least trying with this. Obviously, the school is concerned about the spread of germs so they let it happen beyond the perimeter. 

So this is a community mixing freely. After school, the feral students from the two gates converge somewhere near my house to chat, mob each other and snog! The head of the school probably has good systems in place inside the school but all to no avail if kids behave like this to and from home. 

The school must have at least 1200 kids who go back to probably 600 different homes where they share their newly acquired germs with other members of their families. Mums and Dads then go off to different workplaces, shops and perhaps pubs to spread the love and germs gathered by their offspring. This is one school. This must be happening all over the country so what is the point of limiting how how many people can meet together? Tell me Marms. This is an omnishambles and we are in the thick of it.

Meanwhile, as I write this, I imagine the holiday that had to be cancelled because Danielle sat across a table from someone who tested positive at work. Life is not fair. It really isn't. I think I am quite smart and I don't quite get what I am aloud to do and what I am not. Any thoughts, Marms?

On the bright side, as a small substitute for all the swimming we could have done in a tropical paradise just 10 miles down the road, I organised a trip to the pool for Richard, Danielle and Nasser. This wasn't exactly pushing the boat out but it was a nice lunch time dip. I am a little off target for the month as I isolated so only 20km so far. 

I promised myself I wouldn't mention the weather this time. It really is what everyone talks about over here. It makes a change from the modus operandi in Singapore where food take centre stage as a conversation starter. So Marms -  yes, I do like spicy food and no, I haven't taken my lunch!

What about you, Marms? Have you taken your lunch, yet? 

Miss you as always - you are definitiely in a better place! 

Love

XXX

What a week that was!

 Dear Marmite

The weather here gets nippier by the day and now we have the central heating on. It is currently 7c outside and I never feel I have enough warm clothes! If only I had your lovely, silky coat. It would certainly be of benefit over here, especially now. The only downside is when the temperature suddenly perks up and you have to strip off mid journey.

I had been so looking forward to our family trip to Center Parcs, Woburn - less than 10 miles down the road. I booked it up in April and we had all sorts of activities booked for the week. I was so excited, I had even started packing. Sadly, on Tuesday I had to cancel because of this bloody COVID. What have I got to look forward to now?

This is what happened. Danielle got a call from work on her weekend off to say that she had been in contact with another member of staff who had tested positive. That meant she had to self isolate for 10 days and as a result of my living with her, so did I. This meant we couldn't go on holiday. She phoned me up with the bad news just as I was heading for my swim so I walked into the pool and told them I had to cancel my booking. I returned home and started to check online to get a test. IMPOSSIBLE. You can only get a test if you are on the verge of kicking the bucket. 

I can understand why lockdowns are not working here in the UK. How can people restrict themselves to their homes not knowing whether they are carriers or not? A test would have enabled Danielle to return to work - with no lost income, We could have carried on with our holiday and put money into the economy instead of retiring from society in the off chance that a virus jumped across a table and passed through Danielle's PPE. I am sure many people have been in this situation and decided to chance it as the loss of income is as big a risk as passing on COVID. Come on Boris sort your shit out!

The best comedy available at the moment is Trump. He has proved himself to be a total laughing stock - a prime dickhead no less  - and all without batting an eyelid. The narcissistic oaf reckons that COVID is a blessing from God, who incidentally must come from China. The safest thing America can do is replace him with a cardboard cutout. At least the world would be in safer hands.

On another front, I bought a house on Monday as one does!! Despite all the setbacks with getting the transaction done, I now own a railwayman's terraced cottage in New Bradwell, MK. Nasser has moved in with his children and between us we are going to tart it up a bit. Unfortunately Nasser locked us out soon after he moved in and now we need to repair a door before we start the bits we need to do. I am trying to laugh about this. 

I am also employed  - not for any money  - I am helping Nasser's daughter with her GCSEs. I have already tackled biology and now Macbeth looms for tomorrow evening. We have already done some art together. This is teaching at its nicest.

So Marms, with the weather at a barmy 13c now so I am heading out for a jolly on the bike. Wish you were here. There is so much I could show you.

Love you loads as always

Hugs

XXX

Conspiracy Theories

 Dear Marmite

The weather here is awful. That is an understatement. I have just come back from a walk with Shadow and we are both rather damp. Storm Alex has been beating down on us for three days now. The rain is wet. It wavers between the sort of rain that leaves ripples in puddles to the stuff that hangs in the air like mist. All in all, whatever you find yourself in, it is not nice.

It does have a plus side though and perhaps the powers that be have sent "things" up into the clouds to make the weather this bad on purpose. The streets are empty and there is not a cat in hells chance of me picking up a virus as I am the only one silly enough to venture out. This rain is a circuit breaker. The only way I can show you it is raining this badly is to take a picture of rain on a cabbage leaf.

In addition to this, the news is buzzing about an obese, aged president testing positive for a virus that he doesn't believe in. Some theories suggest he has done this for sympathy ahead of the vote. Twitter has said it will clamp down on tweets that wish  Trump ill - what happened to a free press? Meanwhile, whatever the facts, I am hoping for the best possible outcome; as I know many of my friends are too.

While we are talking about the media, I have become irked and annoyed about the frequency of ads that tell me to sign up to the NHS test and trace app. I am not given to cynicism but I have not signed up to this because I don't trust the government, especially Desperate Dido Harding. I can almost understand why some people don't wear their masks properly. I just have a problem when people's noses poke out unprotected.

I haven't been told what data will be shared in any of the ads for starters.  Ads that come to me with the intensity of a MacDonalds ad have a negative affect on me. In contrast, I know I would have happily participated in anything that Singapore set up. I can't help thinking how much we over here could learn from them. 

ITV are showing their latest series - The Singapore Grip. I watch it because it is Singapore but I am disappointed they can't get the monkeys right. Long-tail macaques look nothing like the imposters they are using on the set. I know full well you, Marmite, could spot the right sort of monkey - you have had lots of experience on that front, even inside our house. There are other irritants in the story that show poor research. I could go on at length - you know me Marms, I won't. 

There are positives - Billie Bump is growing and on my walk today I saw three magpies. This I reckon is pretty significant. Danielle meanwhile has lost all sense of good taste and has bought a carved candle from a charity shop. This pink, twelve-inch monstrosity holds pride of place on the mantelpiece so I can't ignore it. Once she had told me her father said it looked like a dragon's penis I can't get that image out of my mind. I hope with time, she will set light to it so it melts into Woolhead folklore. Perhaps Freud might have something to explain why anyone should feel the need to buy a candle such as this. 

I had a hit last week. It felt good. That is a high note for this week, at least. 

Still miss you, my dear, old man...

Love

XXX

A misquote from Samuel Johnson

 Dear Marmite

It has been over a week since I last wrote to you. I am sure you must be in fine fettle and still enjoying life at its gentle pace. Over here I have been busy but I am not too sure what has taken up my time. The hours morph into days and the days into weeks and all I can think about is how the weather has turned.

As August turned into September we had glorious sun and summer warmth but now that September is turning to October there is a permanent chill in the air and we have had a few very miserable days. It is all we Brits seem to talk about. Even my English friends in France have weather on their mind. So it is not only English gentlemen that discuss whether the weather be hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm - women do it too.

Whatever the weather, I still go out on my bike. The other day I was nearly blown off it. Pedalling into a high wind was hell. I was well and truly puffed out and all this on top of my daily dip in the pool to boot. In contrast, I went for a two-hour jaunt around the villages with Nasser yesrterday and it was like a summer day when you were not shadowed by trees. 

We are also over the Equinox and that means the days are getting shorter. It isn't quite like Singapore where the sun goes down and it is instantly dark, there is a twilight period so when the sun goes down around 7pm it really does start to get dark around 6:15 and I really do feel that winter is just around the corner - brrrrrrrr.

There is one thing that I do miss from the old days in Britain. That is the weather forecast on tele. Michael Fish, the presenter, wove a tale of fiction about what we could all expect weatherwise the following day. The forecast became as much a part of conversation as the actual weather in those days. 

He even made it as a worldwide celebrity in October 1987 when he said that England was not going to experience a hurricane and then we had a storm that was in effect a hurricane. I wasn't even in the country then. I was living in a part of the world that has a hurricane season. Michael Fish's fame made it to The Bahamas. For a humble weatherman, that is some feat. 

Anyway. the autumn sun is out today and it really does fill me with joy to see it. I think with all my time living away from this misty Isle, I have taken the sun for granted. Now my home is England, I promise never to do so again. 

Despite your very thick, silky fur coat appreciate what you have with Rita in a lovely warm country. 

Take care, Marms... I miss you every single day

Love

XXX

It doesn't add up

 Dear Marmite,

I am seriously concerned. I think my mind is failing me. There are a number of reasons for this and this morning was just one example. I went to the pool to do a 2.5km continuous swim. That is 100 lengths. When I finished my watch said that I had done 3.1km. Now I thought I was counting the 50 laps quite methodically but obviously my mind wasn't on the job. It just didn't add up.

My Chinese friend, Carol, once told me I was good at maths for someone who is not Chinese! That was a compliment. Now I can't count to 50 accurately. This has worried me so I asked Danielle if she thought I was having early onset dementia. 

She looked it up on Google and said there were 10 signs to look out for. However, when she was reading only two were mentioned. One of the signs is when you put things in odd places and forget where you have put them. I like to think of this as a kettle in the fridge moment and I can't remember ever doing this. That doesn't mean that I have never done it though and in itself that could be worrying. 

Marms, in human years you are heading for 100 and so are considerably older than I am. Apart from looking for the most comfortable place to snooze, what else do you think about these days? I expect all your whims and desires are met when you nudge Rita with your paw. There probably is very little to worry about in your life. Do dogs get dementia, by the way?

I am also in the market for a gun. I think this has become quite a popular acquisition as anybody with a gun can say they are grouse shooting ( sorry Margy!  - I won't aim at you). If one has a gun, they can gather in groups larger than 6 in the UK. I reckon a gun for me is especially necessary as my mathematical skills are failing me in my dotage. Perhaps a deerstalker and plus fours would add a bit of authenticity to my excuse! Any thoughts?

I went with Danielle for her 20 week scan last Tuesday. Besides seeing my future grandchild doing somersaults. I was impressed at how much clearer scans are than they were in my day. We are only talking a quarter of a century here and I remember very clearly what prenatal care was like then and how primitive it would seem compared to now.

The bump has a name now. Danielle thinks she is having a boy and I think she is having a girl. I was wrong with every one of my children so it will probably be Billy Bump and not Billie Bump. To celebrate, Richard and I had a bottle of Billy Bosch - a South African white! 

I will have to remind myself not to drop Billie Bump on its head when I have to look after it, or for that matter, forget where I put it down. I thought retirment was going to be easy. Now I am not so sure!

Missing you as always.

Hugs and stuff

Love

XXX

Granny with Goggles

 Dear Marmite

Team Marmite!

I am back in the swim. This is not quite like our swims across Tanjong Beach on Sentosa, or even the little trips across to the small man-made island and back. As much as you used to love a trip to the beach, this is different. This swimming is going up and down the length of an indoor pool for just over an hour. I know you wouldn't last the course. I am sure you could not imagine what this type of swimming is like either.

Our swim at the Beach

Let me try to explain. First of all, because of COVID I have to have a membership to the Sports Centre so that I can book a slot to swim. Places are limited so this involves a bit of planning. I can't pop round to the pool on a whim. I book early morning slots - as you know, I am an extreme Lark in that respect. 

So with a coffee inside me for fuel, I walk the 200 odd meters to the pool, programme my watch to the swimming activity and set off. I have been doing this since the end of July and through August I did enough lengths to get me across the English Channel. My aim for September is to swim a marathon and I am well on my way already. Doing about 2.5km a session adds up.

The lane swimming at the pool is organised so that the fast swimmers head for the lanes on the left and the plodders have about a third of the pool on the right to do circuits. Over time, I have realised that it is my demographic that inhabits the righthand side of the pool. They drift along with their heads high and remarkably keep their hairstyles in tact. Some even wear goggles but never dip their faces near the water. 

The people I share my swim with are usually youngish men. So as a Granny with goggles I set demands on myself to swim as fast as I can. Today I managed to get a sweat up chasing a rather nice young man up and down the lengths.  I am also getting to know a few people well enough to pass the time of day with and the staff who work at the place are really very nice.

What swimming does to me!

In the course of a swim I come across more than 6 people - the new limit for meeting people except if you are in a classroom, at a funeral or a wedding. I have discussed this with a friend and we are thinking of having a "wedding" celebration just so that we don't get into trouble for meeting up with more than 6 people. 

The newspapers say that experts are predicting a difficult winter with COVID and Boris might even have to cancel Christmas! These same experts must also believe that the virus is less virulent at weddings, funerals and in classrooms because more people are allowed to gather in these places. It is clearly a very selective strain that makes it safe to eat out in a pub near strangers but not to share space with close friends.  Faith in the pronouncements of the PM diminished to zero this Dominic's comings and goings yet this man is still in a job. What can I say?

I bemoan the size of my little world. This extends to a pub quiz, food parcel deliveries, doing the Community Orchard gardening, swimming and shopping for food. I know that when I think about my life in Singapore, it is the wonderful people who I count as friends that I miss. Marmite, it is you I miss most.

I don't have that friendship group here in MK. I also know that the life I had in Singapore is no longer what it was. For many of my friends, their time in Singapore is also running out. The place I worked for is shrinking too. Thank goodness for modern technology that keeps me connected to a big world beyond. 

It was lovely being vicariously part of Team Marmite last Saturday! You, Marms were in your element surrounded by old friends.